Life and TImes of a Superhero's Girlfriend
by pasosplus
Summary: What would it be like for a average woman to fall for an above average guy. Can it work out in the long run? Could it be true love? This is not going to be short story. Thank you and please leave feedback so I know I'm not wasting my time.
1. Chapter 1 - The Meeting - Raven

Chapter One - Raven

You would think that being the girlfriend of a superhero would be easy exciting and fun, but in reality, it's a whole lot of work to keep it together. It's especially hard if you're not the typical type of girl that people expect to be with a National hero.

My name is Raven Cole and my name is the most exotic thing about me. I'm 5'7" and 140lbs about 10 of which I could stand to lose. I'm over 40, have gray hair and blue eyes. I'm an RN in a small hospital. I don't have any special skills or extraordinary beauty. I honestly don't know why Clint keeps coming back to me. I'm hoping it is love, but I just don't know.

It all started about 2 years after the Loki situation was resolved. Clint and Natasha were on a mission in the little town where I work. I have no idea what the mission was or how it turned out other than that it had something to do with the Air Force base nearby. What I do know is that in the process of the mission both Clint and Natasha got a bit banged up. They showed up bruised and bloody at the ER of the hospital where I work. I didn't know until later how rare a situation that is. SHIELD is usually available to attend to the wounds of their agents, but this time they had to use local services.

Normally, I work on one of the upper floors with post-op orthopedic patients. That night we had a low patient census on my floor and so when there was a huge influx of patients into the ER the house supervisor had me go down to lend a helping hand. Looking back at the large number of stabbings, broken bones, and bullet wounds, I have a suspicion about the cause of the extra work.

Needless to say, I was totally out of my comfort zone and floundering around. I was trying to start an IV in one room and after 3 failed attempts the ER doctor first verbally removed certain parts of my anatomy and then commanded me to take what was left of that part in to the next room to clean up a couple lacerations. Of course he did this at the top of his formidable lungs. I was completely mortified and so went quickly to gather my supplies and head to my new patient.

I knew that my patient could not have failed to hear the doctor's diatribe, so I pasted a bright smile on my face and prepared to appear as competent, composed, and professional as I could. I enter the room and come face to face with the man of my dreams. I knew instantly who Clint was. I had watched every newscast and read every online story, profile, or bit of gossip I could find. I had a complete crush on Clint Barton which was rather unsettling for a mature woman, but I had figured it was harmless since I'd never meet him or anything. Now, here he was right in front of me. I summoned what little composure I had left to suppress my girlish squeal and giggle, opened my mouth the introduce myself, and promptly sneezed. Supplies went tumbling out of my hands and tears started running down my face, because this wasn't a cute little sneeze, but a full body, blow pieces of your lungs out your nose sneeze. My embarrassment was so complete that I froze and next thing I know this gorgeous bleeding man I'm supposed to be taking care of is on the floor picking up my scattered supplies. That unstuck my feet and sniffling and wiping my eyes, I dropped down to my knees to help. We got the supplies placed on the counter and in what little voice I had at that moment, I informed "Mr. Barton" that I had forgotten "something" and would be right back.

The truth was the only thing I had forgotten was my brain which had totally short circuited. I gathered my wits, blew my nose, and wiped my eyes before returning to clean up the various cuts and scrapes that Clint had. After a few minutes, my hands had quit shaking and the desire to cry had faded enough that I could speak above a whisper. I was even able to muster a smile at the doctor when he came to examine my work. He gruffly declared my job acceptable and assigned me to go on to the next patient. I cleaned up my trash and headed to the next room. I had the faint hope that I might get to see my patient again, but it was simply a fleeting fantasy of a torrid romance that rivaled any novel written. Reality asserted itself and the ER was almost clear so I was sent back to the floor where I normally worked. It was both a disappointment and a relief since I was much more competent and comfortable with my normal patients than I was with trauma.

The next morning at the end of my shift, I gathered my duffel bag, backpack, and purse and headed out to my car. I eagerly anticipated a good days sleep with plenty of sexy dreams about my dream guy. I knew my fantasies would be made all the more realistic by the fact that I'd actually touched and talked to the subject of them.

I tossed my bags in the trunk of my car and was preparing to close the trunk lid and walk around to the driver's door when a voice at my shoulder said, "Do you often transport bodies around in your trunk?"

I must have jumped 2 feet in the air. I smacked my head on the trunk lid and my knee on bumper as I whipped around to confront my "attacker."

"Holy hell! Ouch! Dammit!" I hollered as I rubbed my knee and blinked trying to clear my eyes of stars. "What did you say? Are you trying to kill me?"I snapped.

"If I wanted to kill you, I know a lot of easier ways to do it," was the reply. "I asked," the amused and somewhat familiar voice continued, "If you often transported bodies in you trunk, that duffel bag is large enough for at least one."

My head whipped up fast enough that it's surprising that I didn't whack it something again and my eyes came back in to sharp focus. For the second time I was face to face with the most gorgeous man I'd ever met and yet again I was looking like a bumbling fool. My professional instincts kicked in and I calmly replied, "I am so sorry I was rude. I usually work 3 days in a row and since I live over an hour away it is more convenient for me to sleep in an empty room than to try to drive home every morning.

"Since the beds are hard, pillows scarce, and blankets suck, I bring my own. Is there anything I can help you with?" I finished as calmly and politely as I could. I was tempted to babble on in nervousness, but managed to control myself and smile slightly.

"Will you go out to breakfast with me before you go home?"

"Excuse me?" I asked. I was totally baffled. Surely I was hearing things.

"Will – you- go- out – with- me?" came the slow deliberate reply.

Inwardly I cringed and outwardly I could feel myself blushing. Lovely, now I not only seemed stupid and clumsy, but deaf also. I wondered if there was a crack in the parking lot that I could crawl into. "Sure okay, I guess. When?" I stammered.

"How about now?"

"Oh okay, sure. Where? I need to get home soon though. I've got a long drive and it's been a long couple of nights," I wondered absently why I was acting so ditzy and being so difficulty. This was the man I'd fantasized about for awhile now. I should be jumping his bones, kissing him senseless, and begging him to_, "Take me! Take me now!"_

"That's fine. I have somewhere I need to be by 10 anyways," he shrugged.

"Where do you want to meet?" I asked.

"How about we take your car and I just drive us? My ride isn't here yet. There's a café just around the corner with some amazing omelets," was the reply.

I slowly handed my keys to Clint and walked around the car to the passenger side. I must have been walking slowly and not really paying attention because he was there before me with the door open and waiting.

I slid in the car numb and dazed by what was happening. Dozens of thought crossed my mind. _Why was the amazing guy talking to me? I must look awful. Does my breath smell? Why did I give him my keys? Nobody drives my baby, but me. What will we talk about? How old is he? Oh my god! He is probably a lot younger than me. He does not look that much younger. I probably look ancient right now. I am so tired. What will we talk about?_

Next thing I know, my card door is being opened again. _Oh crap, we drove all the way here and I was zoned out the whole time. He probably thinks I'm such an idiot. Ok, take a deep breath and say something!_

"I am so sorry. I must have zoned out a little bit. I'm kind of tired. It was a long shift. You can probably understand that. How did you have to stay in the ER?" I babbled like a teenager as I put my hand out for my keys.

"We only had to stay for a few hours," came the curt reply.

I was taken back. I guessed that I must have offended him by zoning out and then acting like a blonde idiot. "We?" I asked as we walked to the café.

"Natasha, my partner, was there too." He replied coolly

"Natasha? Natasha Romanov? She seems amazing and she's absolutely gorgeous. I wish I could have met her," I replied as we got a booth in the back corner. I quickly picked up a menu to cover my abrupt halt in inane comments and chatter. This was so not like me. I really needed to get a grip.

"They do have wonderful omelets here," I mused out loud as I looked at the menu. I was stumped on what to say next. I was vaguely disappointed at Clint's referral to Natasha. I knew it was silly. Everyone knew they were partners and more. What did I think was going on here? A romance? Not likely. Though how he knew when I got off work and why he waited baffled me. Most likely he had seen my car and wanted to drive it. I got that a lot. It was probably just a fluke that I owned it so he had to talk to me about it. Most men expected another guy to drive my girl. I still couldn't believe I'd let him drive it. I never let anyone drive my car.

My musings were interrupted by, "What will your husband say about you being gone so long? Don't you need to get home for your kids?"

I was shocked by both the censorious tone and content of the questions, "What?" I replied. "My son is married and living with his wife and daughter in Virginia. My husband died just about a year ago. How did you know I was married? I don't wear my ring at work anymore."

"You have pictures of 2 young children on your key chain and a pale line on your ring finger," was the reply.

I vaguely offended that Clint would jump to conclusions about me when he had a girlfriend, but couldn't help laughing as I realized exactly where he'd gotten his conclusions from. "I still wear my wedding ring much of the time. I'm a widow not divorcee. Those pictures are of my sister's kids. The only kids I have at home are furry and have four-legs," I finished with a wicked smile and chuckle.

Finally it was his turn to look confused and embarrassed, "Four legs? Furry?"

"2 dogs, 3 horses, and the occasional cat," I chuckled.

"I guess that means you're an animal lover," he said sheepishly.

"Nawh, I keep them around to annoy me. I don't want to be too comfortable at home," I replied laughing.

"Ouch. That hurt," he said clutching his chest dramatically. "I deserved that. It was a dumb comment."

I waved a hand casually and rolled my eyes, "No worries, hun. Give me a minute or two and I'm sure I'll make a stupid remark of my own."

"Cute," he said. "Really, cute."

I fluffed my hair and batted my eyelashes teasingly, "I try." We continued to banter back and forth. I was amazed that I was able to successfully stringing words into not only understandable comment, but witty ones. Usually it took me weeks to be this relaxed and casual with someone. There was only one other person that I had clicked with so quickly and I'd married him. I pulled myself up sharp at that thought. _Whoa, Nelly_. I thought. _You are jumping the gun big time! Slow down. This is just breakfast. Nothing is going to come out of it. Relax and enjoy._

With that final thought firmly in mind, I did relax and enjoy. The time passed to quickly with the food and conversation both being amazing. I was just starting to feel my long night truly catch up with me when Clint looked past my shoulder and stated, "Here's my ride. I have to go debrief now. I'll see you around." With that quick statement, he got up and left. I was stunned. I looked out the window behind me to see a helicopter landing in the parking lot and after a brief pause to talk to an agent who got out of the helicopter, Clint got in and was gone.

I gave myself a mental shake, gathered my purse, and headed to my car. As I approached, I noticed the agent Clint had talked to standing next to the driver's door. He informed he that Clint was concerned that I'd be too tired to drive and that he'd been ordered to drive me home. He went on to tell me that there would be car following to take him back to base so I didn't need to be concerned with that.

I laughed and drawled in my best southern accent, "When hell freezes over, babe! Nobody drives my car but me. I'm used to the drive, honey, but thank you for the offer."

I proceeded to get in my car, put down the windows, turn up the radio to deafening, and head out the parking lot towards home. I indulged my imagination for the next hour until I got home and then with a sigh and a grin at my silliness I packed the memory up and relegated it to its proper place in my life experiences. I knew that despite my wishes and hopes this morning had been a fantasy. It was a dream come true and would never happen again. I know I'd never see Clint again. I was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Meeting - Clint

Chapter 2 – Clint

There are some people who have no idea how amazing they are. Raven's one of those people. She has no idea how beautiful she is inside and out. She simply can't believe I'd actually be in love with her and now I wonder how I could not. I do have to admit that things didn't get off to the greatest start and it took me quite awhile to be able to admit my feelings.

I remember the first time we met. I was in the ER of this little bitty town after an assignment getting patched up. Usually SHIELD deals with all of our medical issues, but this time we had to go to the locals. Natasha ended up in one room while I was in another. I could hear the ER doctor yelling at a nurse to quit torturing his patients and get her ass into the next room and clean up the wounds in there. My first thought was pity for the poor schmuck who was going to be inflicted with such a crappy nurse. My next one was pity for myself since it was my door opening and I realized that I was going to be the schmuck.

I can't really say what I expected to walk through that door, but the tall elegant lady that did come in was certainly no it. I was still processing what I was seeing when her mouth opened and a massive sneeze came out. It was not the delicate lady-like sneeze that most women try to always show, but a full-body sneeze. The bandages and supplies in her hands went flying out and fell all over the floor. She promptly turned bright red and I saw tears flood her eyes. I hadn't seen a woman blush in years. The women I was usually around were much too jaded to ever blush. I was intrigued. I got down from the table and began picking up her supplies and she quickly joined me. I watched out of the corner of my eye at how she tried to subtly wipe the tears from her eyes and sniffle delicately. I noticed that her name tag said Raven RN. Once the supplies were placed on the counter, she softly excused herself to "get something she forgot".

I'm relatively sure that she simply stepped out to get her composure since she wasn't carrying anything when she came back in the room. In a soft somewhat shaky voice, she asked me to remove my shirt so she could check for other wounds and get them cleaned up. She started cleaning my hands and arms and then worked up across my back, neck, and chest. I had a few small scrapes on face that she left until last. Along the way she started talking to me. It wasn't really a conversation, but the soothing silence filling comments and instructions of a compassionate caregiver. Her voice was higher pitched than I'd expected, but not squeaky, kind of child-like and sweet. She didn't have a real distinct Southern accent like what I'd grown used to hearing in the last several weeks. I did hear a bit of it now and then, but mostly her tones were smooth and calming.

Since there wasn't much scenery in the little room I was in and no TV, I started looking more closely at Raven. At first glance, I'd pegged her age at 25 or 30, but there was something about her that just didn't fit. Her hair was true platinum with only a single dark streak through the front. Initially, I'd taken it for a bleached blonde, but saw on closer look that it was actually the palest of silver. I found out later that she'd started graying at 16, but then I was puzzled. Her eyes weren't the faded blue of older women, but a pure clear dark blue. Her skin was creamy in a way that implied she never saw the sun, but the smattering of freckles on her face and arms and the slight crinkle at the corner of her eyes made me wonder. Her scrubs were not exactly flattering, but they did show that she wasn't carrying a lot of extra weight.

My curiosity was peaked. I was interested in a way that I hadn't been in quite awhile. I'd gotten bored with the usual women who I met and dated. I'd always been drawn to dangerous exciting women and I had the scars physically and emotionally to prove it. I was tired of trying to keep up. Since the New York incident, I'd also gotten my fill of groupies. Hero worship was not something I felt comfortable with and I wanted to be with someone who could actually carry a conversation with me.

This woman didn't seem to know or care who I was or she wasn't impressed with me. Maybe she was an Iron Man fan. I was just about to start asking her questions when the doctor came in to check on Raven's work and look me over. He told Raven that she'd done an acceptable job and told her to go to another room and do the same thing. She smiled a bright professional smile and with a "Thank you, sir," quickly cleaned up and left the room. The doctor was still talking to me. He was telling my instructions on care and prescriptions, but I was distracted wondering if Raven would be back. I figured that she'd be the one to deliver my discharge papers, but it was a different nurse. Before I could find out any of the answers to my questions, Nat and I were discharged and out the doors.

Nat and I were almost to the Hummer we'd arrived in when I put on my brakes and told her to go in without me. Nat knew all about my feelings of boredom and restlessness lately so when I told her what I wanted to do she simply shook her head and said she'd send a chopper for me in time to get to the debriefing. I let her know where to pick me up and with a single admonishment to be careful, she left me in the parking lot.

I figured that I biggest obstacle that I had to meeting Raven was the fact that I had no idea where she'd actually gone. I didn't know if she was even still in the hospital. I wasn't going to go back in at this time of the night and start asking questions. I knew that would most likely get me escorted off the premises by security. I used the internet on my phone to research the hospital and found out that nursing staff worked 12 hour shifts starting at 7am or 7pm. It was just after 2 am so I knew I had a fairly long wait until she got off her shift. The employee parking lot was clearly labeled so I found myself a nice perch on one of the ledges that jutted out from the side of the hospital that gave me the best view and settled in.

I passed time looking out at all the cars in the lot. Most were the practical family style you'd expect. The anomalies were a couple of nice cruisers, the Porsche sitting in the doctor's lot, and a sweet metallic silver blue '73 corvette stingray. The stingray was absolutely gorgeous and in mint condition from what I could see. I wondered who drove that car and where he got it.

The hours rolled by and the sun gradually came up. A trickle of people started leaving the building. I watched for that distinct hair color and kept an eye on the 'vette at the same time. Finally at around 7:30, she came out of the building. She was carrying a backpack, a purse, and pulling a huge rolling duffel behind her. It looked big enough to transport and body and was obviously very full. I wondered absently what she possibly brought to work with her each night to need all the luggage. I climbed down from my spot and headed across the lot towards Raven. I had picked a dark red Mercury Sable as most likely to be hers. I was vaguely surprised when she walked right by it, but figured it was one of the other generic high mpg cars out there. She continued walking past all the vehicles and headed across the lot towards the 'vette I had been admiring. That gave me pause. I was expecting a woman to drive the car, much less a mature woman. It wasn't exactly practical.

I walked up beside Raven and said the first thing that I thought of," Do you often transport bodies around in your trunk?"

The response I got was not what I had expected at all. Though I admit that most often I don't often think before I speak. She hollered,"Holy Hell! Ouch! Dammit! What did you say? Are you trying to kill me?" She was rubbing her knee as she turned towards me.

At first, I didn't realize she hadn't seen who was talking to her so I replied somewhat sarcastically, "If I was trying to kill you, I know a lot of easier ways to do it." I then realized that she had hit her head on the trunk lid and her knee on the car's bumper. She hadn't actually looked at me. I repeated with a somewhat amused tone, "I asked if you often transported bodies in your trunk." I elaborated by saying, "That duffel bag is large enough for at least one."

Raven's head snapped up and I got to see that interesting blush again. For a second, I could practically read her thoughts as they streamed across her face. I could tell she knew who I was and that she liked what she saw, but then it was gone as her professional persona took over. Raven quickly explained that she slept the day between shifts in the hospital and brought her own linens and pillows.

I was immediately struck by the fact that if it had been a different night on her shift, I would have waited for nothing. I was surprised at how much the idea of not having seen her again bothered me. When she asked me if there was anything she could do for me, I stifled my natural instinct to make a sarcastic provocative comment and asked her what I'd intended to from the start. "Will you go out to breakfast with me before you go home?"

Raven looked puzzled and replied, "Excuse me?"

I wasn't sure which part of the question she could have failed to understand so I repeated it very slowly and was treated to another blush. This was darker than the others and as it spread down her neck, I found myself wondering exactly how far her blushes went.

Raven stammered a reply and with a bit of quick talking, I arranged to the café around the corner in her 'vette. I was pleased with myself in managing to talk myself into getting to drive her car. If it was mine, I don't think I'd let anyone drive it. I opened her car door for her and let her get settled in before pulling out. I was wrapped up in enjoying the purr of the powerful engine and amazing feel of the 'vette so didn't notice how quiet Raven was until we pulled into the café parking lot. I looked over at her and saw that she had a dazed far-away look on her face. She was looking out the side window and off in to the distance. I wondered who or what she was thinking about.

I turned off the engine and walked around to open her door. I wasn't usually this much of a gentleman, but it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Raven looked startled when the door opened and once she'd gotten out started apologizing and explaining her lack of attention. When she held her hand out for her keys, I noticed that she had a pale indent on her ring finger. I also saw hanging on her keychain a couple of pictures of young children. I wondered how I had missed those. I was usually much more observant.

I was also angered that this woman would leave her kids and husband to go to breakfast with a stranger. She left them for days on end so that she didn't have to drive? What kind of woman was she? Maybe she was just a groupie or simply thoughtless.

I answered her questions about the ER trip while I contemplated how to get the truth from her. I figure if I asked her straight, she'd probably lie. Finally, I just decided to be my normal self and asked, "What will your husband say about you being gone so long? Don't you need to get home for your kids?"

Raven put the menu down and gave me a totally baffled look, "What?" she replied. "My son is married and living with his wife and daughter in Virginia. My husband died just about a year ago. How did you know I was married? I don't wear my ring at work anymore."

"You have pictures of 2 young children on your key chain and a pale line on your ring finger," I replied. She seemed to be telling the truth, but I wasn't going to trust her just yet.

Her face suddenly cleared and she started laughing, "I still wear my wedding ring much of the time. I'm a widow not divorcee. Those pictures are of my sister's kids. The only kids I have at home are furry and have four-legs," she finished with a wicked smile and chuckle.

"Four legs? Furry?" I queried totally puzzled now.

"2 dogs, 3 horses, and the occasional cat," she chuckled.

My natural smart-ass popped out, but the smart somehow got left behind as I said,"I guess that means you're an animal lover."

I felt inordinately pleased and stung at the same time when Raven gave a crooked grin and drawled in an exaggerated manner, "Nawh, I keep them around to annoy me. I don't want to be too comfortable at home."

"Ouch. That hurt," I replied clutching my chest dramatically. "I deserved that. It was a dumb comment."

Raven waved a hand casually, rolled her eyes, and said very sweetly, "No worries, hun. Give me a minute or two and I'm sure I'll make a stupid remark of my own."

"Cute, really cute," was my response. I was thinking that cute would really describe her not just her remarks, but knew now was not the time to tell her that.

Raven gave me another cheeky grin and pretended to fluff her hair as she said, "I try."

My reply of ," You do a damn good job of it." Put a faint blush on her cheeks and a twinkle in her eye.

Mimicking a British accent, she fluttered her eyelashes and stated, "Why thank you, kind sir."

"That's a new one for me," I replied.

"The kind or the sir?" she smirked.

I felt a tightness in me loosen and while I still wasn't sure I could trust this woman, I found myself thoroughly enjoying our banter. In all too short of a time, I heard the thwumping of helicopter blades. Nat had sent a chopper to pick me up for the debriefing just like I'd asked. When I saw it land, I was surprised at how reluctant to leave I was. I smiled at the woman across from me and said,"Here's my ride. I have to go to a debriefing. I'll see you around." As I got up from the table, I noticed exhaustion lurking in her eyes and a flash of concern struck me. I knew how long she said her drive was and I also wanted to find out more about her so I told Agent Lucas to call for a car and have it follow him while he drove Raven home. I really didn't need the guilt in my life she wrecked because she was tired. I told Agent Lucas to," Check out where she lives, who she lives with, and what she does and report back to be. Be discreet about it."

As I got in the chopper, I was already trying to figure out how to run into Raven again. She was interesting and I needed something different to distract me. At least until I got bored.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Disaster - Raven

Chapter 3

The next time I saw Clint was an unmitigated disaster, but it ended up being the beginning of something real. It had been almost a week since I'd met Clint and I was feeling restless. I was surprised how often I thought of Clint and how I'd catch myself looking for him. I was usually rather pragmatic and good at letting things go.

I decided that there was only one remedy for my restlessness. Actually, there were 2, but since I hadn't had sex with anything not powered by batteries in awhile, I knew that a night of dancing was what I'd have to settle for. I got dressed in a sexy little black dress and sky high heels and headed to my favorite club. I almost always went to the same club. The bouncers knew me and knew that I had a strict leave me alone policy. They were always very quick to warn off anyone they thought was harassing me. It allowed me to relax and just enjoy the music. I loved to dance and I liked to look good doing it.

I got to the club around 9 o'clock. I ordered a Smirnoff Triple Black and carried it to a stool next to the dance floor. It usually takes me about 30 minutes to relax enough to get up and dance. The club I go to plays a mix of country and rock. I can 2-step, but I come for the rock. I get the occasional invite to slow dance and every once in awhile I'll accept. Tonight, however, I planned to refuse all offers. This night was for me. I waited until one of my favorite songs come on and threw myself into the music.

I'd been dancing off and on for a couple of hours and was getting pleasantly tired and totally relaxed when I felt someone looking at me. I was used to people looking at me, but this felt different. I tried to put it out of my mind and when a slow song that I loved came on I immersed myself in the song. I usually stayed off the floor during slow songs, but I needed this. I imagined I was dancing with someone I knew intimately. I felt the slow sensuality of the song flowing through me. Again, I felt eyes on me and out of curiosity; I looked up and around the room.

There directly across the dance floor from me was Clint. He was watching me with a heat burning in his eyes that triggered a clenching in my stomach and caused my heart to jump and then race. I couldn't look away. I was mesmerized. I continued to dance, but now it wasn't for me, but for him.

The song ended and I looked up to see if maybe Clint had come closer. I'd hoped I could lure him to me, but he was gone. I took a deep breath and stifling the unwarranted disappointment, started dancing again. In the back of my mind, I was relieved. I had had my fair share of crazy times and stupid one nighters shortly after my husband had died and I didn't want to revisit that insanity again.

Suddenly, I felt him behind me. When his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me back against him, I let my head fall back against his shoulder. A shiver ran down my spine as he growled, "Hello, Raven."

I turned in his arms and wrapped mine around his waist. "Hi," I choked out. My throat was tight and my stomach trembled. We continued to dance and Clint held me tightly to him. I knew that I should pull away and put distance between us, but I just couldn't bring myself to. I tipped my head back to look into his eyes and started to ask Clint what he was doing here. As my mouth opened, he covered it with his. Our mouths locked together and we kissed as if the world was coming to an end. We were totally wrapped up in each other. I could feel his arousal against my hip.

I pulled away to try and catch my breath. I noticed Clint was breathing hard also. My mind whirled. I was sinking into a haze of arousal and blind lust. The heat of his breath against my ear as he said, "Why don't we get out of here? Come stay with me tonight," made me shiver and a moan caught in my throat.

He didn't wait for my response and went back to kissing me senseless. I was melting in to him. All my senses were overwhelmed and I was drowning in the heat of our passion. I was on the verge of saying, "Yes!" when I suddenly went cold. _What was I thinking? How had I let things go so far?_

I pulled abruptly away from Clint and turned toward the club exit. I had to get out of there. I was still slightly dazed and extremely aroused. I knew it wouldn't take Clint much effort to overwhelm my reservations and convince me to go with him. I'd traveled down this path before. I knew that anything more that I did tonight would only end up tearing my pride and self esteem down. I was not going to be another one-night stand.

I'd made it out to my car and was trying to get the door unlocked when Clint grabbed my wrist and pulled my around. "What the hell was that all about? What kind of game are you playing?" He demanded in a low tight voice. "Where are you going?" he continued.

"I'm going home," I choked out. My arousal had started fading at the hit of cool air once I exited the club. I was starting to feel cheap and dirty in a way I hadn't in a long time. I felt tears rising and I gritted my teeth to hold back sobs. I ground out, "I will not be just another one-night stand for you or anyone. I don't care how much I want to. I won't do that to myself again. Now, let me go!"

Clint dropped my arm as if it had turned in to a venomous snake. I quickly jumped in my car and started it up. I pulled out of the parking lot but didn't get far before the tears I'd been holding back overwhelmed me. I pulled in to a vacant lot and leaned my forehead against the steering wheel and sobbed. I was angry with myself, Clint, the whole situation. I knew it was my own fault that Clint had made the offer he did. I couldn't believe that I hadn't grown up and gotten control over myself enough to avoid this kind of situation. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness that I thought I'd conquered. I missed having a warm body beside me at night and inside me making love to me.

I'm not sure how long I sat in my car with tears running down my face. I was just starting to gain control when I was startled by a hard tap on my window. I hastily wiped my eye and rolled down my window. I expected a cop had seen my car idling in the lot and stopped to check it out.

Instead, I found Clint looking down at me. He looked angry at first, but that quickly changed to confusion and then remorse. He reached out and gently wiped a tear off my cheek. "I'm sorry," he said.

I gave him what I'm sure was a watery smile and asked, "What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I made you cry," was the reply.

That made my smile a bit broader and less tremulous. "You did not make me cry. That was my own fault. Why are you here?"

His response was somewhat sheepish when he said, "I was following you home."

That totally dried up my tears and I asked indignantly, "Excuse me?"

"I saw how upset you were so I followed you to make sure you got home alright. When I saw you parked here, I got concerned and wanted to check on you," he explained.

That made me feel good, but I was also confused. "Why did you look pissed when I rolled down the window?"

"Well, after what happened at the club, I thought maybe you'd figured I would follow you and were trying to play me."

I snorted and laughed at that, "You must hang around some very interesting women. I'm not like that. I wouldn't even think to do something like that."

"You know," I continued. "We're quite a pair of dysfunctional people."

He grinned back at me, "Sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship to me. How about we get together soon for dinner? I don't want you to think I'm just some user out for a quick lay. "

"I'd like that", I replied. "I work the next 3 nights so how about Tuesday night?"

"Sounds good," he said. "Where and what time?"

I wrote my address down on a scrap of paper and handed it to him. "How about you pick me up at my house at 7pm? I'll let you decide where we go."

He looked down at the address before folding the paper up and putting it in his pocket. He leaned in to the window and gave me a gentle kiss. "Drive careful," he said. "I'll see you Tuesday night."

He pulled away and I watched in the mirrors as he walked towards the rear of my car. I saw him climb on the back of a motorcycle, but I couldn't tell what kind. I waited until I saw the headlight come on and could hear the engine rev before I pulled out and headed home.

Despite the roller coaster of a night, I found myself smiling and looking forward to my upcoming date.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Disaster - Clint

Chapter 4 – Clint

After the debriefing, Natasha and I were given some time off until our next assignment. Nat headed back to her apartment in Stark tower and normally, I would have joined her, but this time I decided to stick around. The Tower was incredible. Stark had made sure that we each had everything that we could need. Our apartments were all fully furnished, but mine felt more like a hotel room. I just didn't feel like going back right now.

I tracked down Agent Lucas to find out what he'd learned about Raven. I was surprised and intrigued about how she'd refused his assistance. Lucas did tell me that he'd put a tracking device on her car so I could follow her if I wished. It sounded like something to do so I pulled the information from the tracker and headed where it led.

What I found when I got there was totally not what I expected. Raven appeared to live in large warehouse. The tracking device had stopped inside a huge metal building. The building had a few windows and a single door on the south side as well as several doors large enough to drive a semi in to. There were 3 dutch style stall doors on the south side. The west side had 3 of the large garage doors and east had 2 garage doors as well as a standard human sized door. There was also a small dog door to the side of the walk through door which opened into a large kennel. There looked to be some sort of large backstop on the west side just outside of one of the doors. In total it looked like a barn or garage, but certainly not a home.

I went in to the closest town to see what there was to see. It was a midsized town of about 250,000. It had a college, a mall, a few bars and such. It was a typical southern town. I had the print out of where Raven had gone while I'd been at SHIELD and it turned out to that she'd gone grocery shopping and to the feed store. I figured I'd do a bit of research on Raven. If she was interesting, I'd try to find a way to "accidently" meet up with her.

The internet didn't tell me anything more than I already knew from talking to her and neither did watching her place. In general, she seemed rather boring. I had just about decided to head on out to New York when Raven did something I wouldn't have expected.

It was just after 8:30 on a Wednesday night when Raven backed her car out of her house and headed in to town. I was curious and so I followed her. I thought she was probably going grocery shopping again. She seemed to prefer to do all her errands at night when she could. I was surprised when she pulled into the parking lot of a club named Diamond Back.

I watched as she parked her car and when she stepped out, my jaw dropped. The scrubs she wore and the way she did her hair for work had hid more than I'd expected. Raven had legs that went for miles and her little black dress showed off every inch of them. She'd curled her hair and done her makeup in such a way that she looked like a modern Marilyn. Her dress hugged her curves and showed a slender athletic body with just a bit of softness where it mattered. She was a wet dream come true. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had to see what she was doing there.

I followed her into the club and took a table in the back. I figured I'd keep an eye on her and see what she was up to. If she was looking for company, I figured I would step in and oblige her. The club itself was fairly crowded. The dance floor was on one side of club while the bar was on the other. I found Raven sitting at a barstool on the edge of the dance floor nursing a drink. She started out with a wine cooler, but soon switched to something in a glass.

I figured I'd sit back and watch for awhile. I wanted to see what kind of guys she danced with and how she acted before I moved in. I didn't mind the occasional one-nighter, but I didn't make it a practice. I was baffled by the fact that she turned down every dance or drink offer. It crossed my mind that maybe she wasn't interested in men. I knew she'd been married before, but people change. However, a woman tried to join her a couple of times and she backed away from her quickly enough to dissuade that idea. She danced to dozens of songs, but she never danced with anyone. She appeared to be drinking like a fish, but wasn't acting drunk at all.

Part of the mystery was cleared up when I followed her up to the bar and saw the bartender get her a glass of water. She didn't have to ask for what she wanted, but just smiled and shook her glass. The bartender came over and said something that caused her to laugh before she took her glass and headed back to her stool.

I continued to watch from a distance and thought about what I was going to do next. The decision was taken from me when a slow song started and Raven stayed on the floor dancing. I riveted by the sensuality of her movement and the seductiveness of her dancing. I couldn't take my eyes off her. Suddenly, our eyes met. I saw the surprise in her eyes at seeing me and then the flare of desire. Her dancing grew even more seductive and I could see the invitation in her eyes. I was drawn towards her and got out of chair to go to her. I had to work my way through the crowd and lost sight of her a couple of times. The song ended as I finally reached the dance floor. I saw that Raven had turned her back to my table. I figured she'd noticed I had left and wrote me off.

I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She melted into me and I could feel a shudder travel down her spine. Her head fell back on my shoulder and I breathed in to her ear, "Hello, Raven." I felt another shiver travel down her and she turned in my arms and wrapped hers around my waist.

Raven's voice was husky when she said, "Hi." Her head tilted back and her lips opened just enough to induce me to kiss her. I pulled her as close as our two bodies would allow and poured myself into her through our locked lips. After what seemed forever, I pulled slightly away. She was panting lightly and there was a flush on her cheeks that I knew wasn't from embarrassment. Her gorgeous eyes were hazy with desire and she leaned into me as if her legs could barely hold her up.

I put my lips next to her ear and asked, "Why don't we get out of here? Come stay with me tonight." I couldn't resist a kiss to encourage her to say yes. I could feel her melting against me and I felt a thrill of victory. I knew tonight was going to end up better than I'd thought. Tomorrow I'd head back up to New York with this minor itch worked out of my system.

All my plans imploded when Raven went completely stiff and cold. She jerked away from me and without a word headed towards the front exit. I was stunned enough at her quick turn about that it took me a minute or so to head after her.

I caught up with Raven as she was unlocking her car door. I grabbed her wrist and turned her towards me. "What the hell was that all about? What kind of game are you playing?" I asked. "Where are you going?"

Raven gave me a look like I was total scum and snarled. "I'm going home. I will not be just another one-night stand for you or anyone. I don't care how much I want to. I won't do that to myself again. Now, let me go!"

I wasn't one who had to be told "No" twice. I dropped her arm and stepped back. She slid quickly into her car and pulled out of the parking spot. With a quick glance at me through the windshield, she roared off towards her home.

I headed over to my bike and started to get on. I figured I'd just start the trip back to New York a few hours early. It ticked me off that I'd wasted a week of my vacation on this little town and a psycho woman. I went over the whole last few minutes in my head. I'd intended it as a way to reinforce my desire to get the hell out of there. Instead, I flashed on the look on Raven's face as she pulled away in her car. She looked devastated.

A shot of guilt slammed through me. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I just couldn't leave without checking to make sure she got home okay. I started up the bike and headed out of the parking lot. I had a pretty good idea what route Raven would take home and so I headed that way. I was surprised when I saw her car sitting in a vacant lot not far from the club.

_What was she doing there? The engine was idling fine. I couldn't see any tire issues. Why would she pull in here?_ I pulled up behind her and cut the engine. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do. It occurred to me that Nat could have set up this whole situation and used it to manipulate a subject to do or say what she wanted. Raven hadn't appeared to have that kind of training, but you never really knew. I swung off my bike and headed to her window. It pissed me off that I could be manipulated that way. I wrapped firmly on her window and waited impatiently for her to roll it down.

When the window came down, I leaned in and was shocked to see tears on her face. I reached slowly out and picked one of the tears off her face. "I'm sorry," I said. I wasn't sure exactly what I was apologizing for, but that didn't seem to matter at this point.

Raven gave me a heartbreakingly sad and very puzzled smile, "What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I made you cry," was the reply I could think of.

A large portion of the sadness disappeared, but the confusion remained. "You did not make me cry. That was my own fault. Why are you here?"

That comment intrigued me and I thought about asking Raven for more details. I realized I'd been found out on following her and replied somewhat apologetically, "I was following you home."

Raven looked a bit angry when she said, "Excuse me?"

"I saw how upset you were so I followed you to make sure you got home alright. When I saw you parked here, I got concerned and wanted to check on you," I explained.

She looked somewhat relieved and pleased, but a bit puzzled. "Why did you look pissed when I rolled down the window?"

"Well, after what happened at the club, I thought maybe you'd figured I would follow you and were trying to play me." I explained. I was rethinking that idea more and more. Raven just didn't seem the type to resort to that kind of behavior.

She snorted and laughed, "You must hang around some very interesting women. I'm not like that. I wouldn't even think to do something like that."

"You know," she continued with a crooked little grin. "We're quite a pair of dysfunctional people."

I couldn't help grinning back. Raven may be nuts, but I could at least spend a little more time with her. Maybe repair some of the damage that a different guy had done, "Sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship to me. How about we get together soon for dinner? I don't want you to think I'm just some user out for a quick lay. "

"I'd like that", she replied. "I work the next 3 nights so how about Tuesday night?"

"Sounds good," I said. "Where and what time?" I didn't have any plans for at least another week. I figured I could hang out here for a little while longer. This town wasn't the worst I'd been in despite my angry thoughts earlier.

"How about you pick me up at my house at 7pm? I'll let you decide where we go." She said.

I looked down at the piece of paper she'd handed me. I t had her address on it. I folded it up and put it in my pocket. She didn't need to know that I already knew where she lived. I leaned in the window a bit farther and gave her a quick kiss and told her, "Drive careful. "I'll see you Tuesday night."

I headed back to my bike and got it started. The night didn't end quite like I'd have wished, but I was going to do the right thing so it was all good. Besides, maybe I could set this up to so that I could drive Raven's car again.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Date - Clint

Chapter 5 - The date

Clint

The next several days passed pretty quickly for me. I've learned how to entertain myself. I bunked out at the base that was near where Raven lived. Rode my bike around the countryside and worked out with the base trainees. It was good to test my hand-to-hand skills with someone who didn't already know all my tricks. I picked up a few new moved from the instructors and taught a bit also. I enjoyed being in a new place where they didn't treat me like some sort of celebrity.

Nat and I talked every day. She prefers to talk to text. Nat says that she can read my mood better that way. Sometime I wish she that she couldn't read it as well. She told me she was worried about me. Nat kept saying that there was something different about me and about how I was with this girl. I probably should have listened to her. Nat and I have been partners in every sense of the word for years now. She knows me better than anyone. We hadn't been intimate for awhile now, but that wasn't unusual. We were friends first and foremost. I trusted her with my life and she felt the same. I kept telling Nat that I was not abandoning my normal "catch-and-release" program for women, but she was skeptical. I probably should have listened, but then I wouldn't be where I am now.

Nat also told me that Fury was working on a mission for us. Apparently my "vacation" was going to be over on Thursday. I was surprisingly disappointed at having to go back to work. I'm usually the one clamoring for another mission. I get bored when not working, but this time I wasn't finished with my conquest and didn't want to go yet. That was what I told myself. Nat was the only person I had ever been able to stay close to for an extended period of time. I knew that this woman would lose her appeal once I'd had her in bed, so I wasn't worried. I guess that I should have been more concerned at becoming emotionally involved, but I'm glad I wasn't. I would have run away if I'd had a clue.

You see, I am a bit of a lone wolf. I tend not to play well with others. I see things better at a distance and i like to keep that distance even in a relationship. Most women didn't put up with that for long. Eventually, most women wanted to learn about my work, details about my missions, how I felt about my job, and what I felt about our future together. It was never worth the hassle to me to discuss things. Besides, I can't talk about most of my missions doing to being classified. The other stuff, I just didn't want to think about. Nat understood all that. Of course, that was a whole different issue. I hadn't found a woman who could accept Nat and mine's relationship and there wasn't a woman alive that I'd chose over her.

Nat and I tried the relationship thing, but I found that I couldn't deal with some aspects of her missions. She had a very special set of skills and was often put in very intimate situations to get the information she was looking for. I was a protective and jealous lover which didn't go well. We'd learned the hard way how to be friends and occasional lovers.

The day of our date finally arrived and I cleaned up my bike and got it ready to ride to Raven's house. I had a Honda CBE 1100XX that was wicked fast and looked as good as she ran. I'd decided to bring the bike to the date. I figured that if she rode the bike with me than I'd get to have her arms her around my waist and have her snuggled against me. If she refused, I might get a chance to drive her sweet 'vette.

I pulled up to Raven's house promptly at 7 and found her already dressed to go. She was in a pair of skin tight leather pants with black lace-up boots that hugged her calves. She'd topped it with a gorgeous leather halter top with the Harley emblem on it. Her hair was sleek around her face and she had just a touch of makeup on. She was simply gorgeous in a classic elegant, but edgy way.

When she saw my bike, she burst out laughing. I was confused until she said, "Honey, there is no way in hell you getting me on the back of that thing!"

I was thinking about getting offended when she said, "It's a gorgeous bike, but I do not ride crotch rockets. My Lord, the thing doesn't even have a back on it. There is only one activity where my knees at my ears are a good thing and riding this thing isn't it."

I wanted to be offended, but the prospect of driving Raven's 'vette, made me rethink my temper. I could live with her not liking motorcycles. It wasn't like I was planning to marry this woman or do anything long term with her. I was actually hoping that I could get her out of my system tonight. I wasn't exactly looking for a one-night stand, but i just didn't see any future for us.

I'd anticipated her reaction to my bike and so I simply said, "How about we just take your car then? I'd be glad to drive."

That got another laugh and with a wicked grin Raven said, "You lucked out the one time that you got to drive my baby girl. Give me a minute and I'll be ready. I'll follow you."

That got me totally confused. Why would she want to follow me? Why didn't she at least want to ride together? I sat on my bike baffled and stunned until I heard the rumble of an engine. It didn't sound like a car at all. It had the throaty rumble of a motorcycle. I saw the garage door go up, but couldn't see inside due to the dark. I was left speechless when she pulled out on a Harley cruiser with a gorgeous custom paint job.

Raven paused next to me and laughing said, "Are you going to just sit there or are you going to lead? Me and The Witch haven't been out for awhile and we're ready to ride."

I couldn't think of anything to say which is truly unusual for me so I simply started up my bike and lead the way to the restaurant I'd chosen. I decided on the fly to take a longer route to the restaurant. I needed to take stock of everything I'd been thinking about Raven. I realized that I'd been making assumptions and attempting to manipulate her from the beginning. I'd only asked her for this date to sooth a guilty conscience. From the very beginning, I'd only been trying to find out enough to be able to get her in bed so that I could get her out of my system. I'd been playing games and that was something I despised in other people.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, I decided that maybe I needed to take a second look at Raven and give us a chance. There was more to her than I'd expected.

Raven pulled in beside me and cut her engine. As she got off her bike and took off her helmet, I could see that she was smiling and her eye sparkled. She said, "I'm sorry. That was not very nice of me. I probably should have just told you that I had a bike or offered to drive, but I had a feeling that you were trying to test me. I just couldn't resist surprising you. The look on your face was priceless, but I hope it didn't ruin things."

I couldn't help smiling. She had totally pegged me and I deserved it. "No, you didn't ruin things at all. In fact, I think you may have just fixed a couple of things."

Raven gave me a puzzled look and said, "I think you are going to have to explain that remark, but first I think i need to explain what happened last Friday night."

We were walking towards the restaurant and I had to suppress my feeling of dismay. I did not want to go there tonight. I wanted to get to know Raven better, but I would have preferred to not get all intense or emotional already. If she was going to get all dramatic and have to explain every little thing, I may just have to rethink my resolve to give a relationship a chance. I may like to be a woman's white knight, but needy women are not my style.

I responded as I opened the front door of the restaurant, "You really don't have to do that."

"Actually," she said with a bright smile. "I do. You need to know if you are ever going to understand me. I'm hoping that this date will be the beginning of something special and I don't want to start on a misunderstanding."

We were escorted directly to a table and I picked up a menu hoping to bury myself in it and avoid the subject. I really did not want to deal with this. We barely knew each other. I did not need the pressure of her expectations.

I heard Raven chuckling under her breath and looked up to see what she was laughing at. She was looking at me and with a grin said, "Oh my Lord, quit panicking. I am not going to burst in to tears, bear my soul, and declare my undying love and devotion. I just feel you deserve an explanation for my insane behavior."

"I am not panicking," was my slightly huffy reply.

Raven propped her elbow on the table and rested her head in her hand. In a dry tone she said, " Yeah, right and my sister's married to the Easter Bunny."

That comment startled a laugh out of me. "Really?" I responded. When can I meet her? I was told the Easter Bunny is a myth."

Raven laughed at my reaction and commented, "Haven't you heard? So are superheros. Seriously or at least semi-seriously, it's really not that complicated or dramatic. When I was young and then for a time after my husband died, I went a little crazy. I did things and let people do things to me that I regret. Once I got my head on straight, I promised myself that I'd never go there again. I almost broke that promise that night and that's why I was upset. I'm sorry you got caught up in the drama."

"Now," she continued. "What are you having for dinner? The steak here is incredible, but I usually prefer the chicken."

I'd already decide what i wanted to eat, but I looked at the menu to cover my surprise. Her explanation or apology, depending on how you looked at, answers some questions, but created more also. I wondered_, what had happened when she was young to make her crazy? Her husband dying explained only a portion. What exactly had she done? What had been done to her? What had she done to get her head on straight? Was she expecting me to say something profound?_

I decided to take the easy route and just move on. I said, "I'm thinking of having the prime rib."

Raven smiled beautifully and I could see the relief in her face. She hadn't wanted me to say anything, just accept.

We ordered our meals. As we sat waiting, she said, "So how long are you going to be in town?"

Raven was just making chit-chat, but I knew this was an opportunity to be honest and upfront. "I have to leave Thursday morning for an assignment, but I'd like to get your phone number so that we can keep in touch," I said. "That way I can let you when I'll be in town again, also."

The play of emotions on Raven's face was fascinating. As I talked, she went from interested to mad to disappointment to surprise and then happiness. I knew I'd made a good decision when she said, "I'd like to keep in touch."

We did the whole number exchange thing and discussed texts vs. calls. We talked about how our jobs made it hard to talk very often or long, but that we could text quite a bit. I told her that Nat hated texts and why. Raven said that she was the exact opposite and that unless she knew the number, she never talked on the phone, but preferred to text.

By the time our dinner had arrived, we had settled in to a comfortable conversation. Now that I wasn't focused on flirting or being witty, I found that Raven was quite a bit different than I'd assumed. She had quite an interesting past. She lived in the country by choice. She had traveled extensively and still did. Her job as a nurse was probably the most normal job she'd had. She understood the military mentality since she was a military brat, but she also had seen the worst of society while working as a pawn broker. I realized that she had just as many scars from her past as I did and that she probably understood me better than I'd thought.

I think that was when I first started falling in love with Raven. I didn't realize it then, but she is a perfect fit for me. She understands me in ways that nobody but Nat has before and yet she still accepts me totally. The difference is that with Raven I never needed to worry about what dangerous situations her personal demons or her job would put her in. I could protect her and she appreciated it instead of kicking my ass for trying.

After dinner, when the waitress was making noises intended to encourage us to leave, Raven suggested we take the bikes for a good ride before heading to her house. We wandered the countryside for several hours. We stopped periodically at scenic areas to rest and talk, but eventually we found ourselves back at Raven's house.

She pulled into her garage, but didn't invite me in so I parked my bike just outside the doors and dismounted. When she came out, she asked me if I'd be interested in a home-cooked meal before I left on Thursday. I jumped on the chance to spend more time with Raven. We agreed that I'd come back to Raven's house next afternoon for a trail ride and dinner. I gave Raven a lingering kiss before starting up the bike and headed back to the base.


	6. Chapter 6 - The Date - Raven

Chapter 6 – The Date

Raven

After the disaster, when I went dancing I focused on getting my brain on straight and putting the impending date out of my mind. I headed to my work and focused on putting my energy into it. When Tuesday rolled around, I was feeling better and had wrestled my demons back in to submission.

On Wednesday morning, I started seriously thinking about the date. I remembered that I'd noticed Clint riding a motorcycle before I left the parking lot at the club. I was pretty sure that it was a crotch rocket. I love motorcycles and have my license as well as a beautiful Harley Softail with a custom paint job. I also love riding behind a strong guy on a powerful bike, as long as it isn't a crotch rocket. Frankly, those things scare the hell out of me. They are too fast for street use. I have the opinion that crotch rockets should not be on the regular roads. As far as I am concerned, if I don't have a real passenger's seat with a back on it and comfortable foot pegs, I'm not getting on it. Besides which, I hadn't ridden behind anyone since my husband died and I wasn't planning to start with just anyone. My husband had totally spoiled me on our bike with a nice seat, armrests, and plenty of storage. I wouldn't insult his memory by settling for anything less. Of course that meant that if he came up with a bike I had to find something else for us to ride in. Normally I would have just taken my Corvette but I knew most guys didn't like being driven places by a woman. I did let people drive my Corvette and I figured that Clint had used his one free pass with my baby so driving her was out. I decided that if he showed up on a crotch rocket that I would simply get my bike and we'd go for a ride. It'd been a while since I'd shocked someone. Well, in a funny good way, shock them. Last week was different.

I also decided that I needed to apologize for my psycho bipolar episode last week. I was really surprised that Clint had even asked me to go on a date. After my slut to bitch to weeping willow act, I figured he'd never give me another thought. I hoped he wasn't one of those drama junkies. I did not need one of those. I avoid drama. My life is pretty routine and I like it that way.

At the hospital, drama is pretty much expected. Nurses are gossipy, bitchy women on average and patients tend to go a bit nutty after three or four days. It could be the narcs given for pain or the fact that a good night's sleep is impossible in the hospital, but either way by the end of two or three nights, I usually had at least one patient trying to climb out of bed when they can't stand or talking to people that aren't there. It really helps me to appreciate the quiet of my life at home and I work hard to keep it that way he.

The evening of our date arrived. I made sure to finish riding early and head into the house to get cleaned up. At first I wasn't sure what to wear, but I soon decided on a nice black leather set that I'd had for a while. I never could understand the logic of making a date wait so I was ready with time to spare.

As I expected, Clint was right on time and he was riding a crotch rocket. It was a gorgeous bike, but the passenger seat was the size of a postage stamp with no back on it all and the foot pegs put my legs in a position I only assume during sex. I couldn't help laughing and saying, "Honey, there is no way in hell you are getting me on the back of that thing!"

Clint looked somewhat offended so I explained, "It's a gorgeous bag bike but I do not ride crotch rockets. My Lord, the passenger seat doesn't even have a back on. Also, there is only one activity where having my knees at my ears is a good thing and riding this thing isn't it."

I could tell Clint was disappointed but he recovered quickly and said, "We could just take your Corvette. I'll drive."

That made me laugh again, "You lucked out the one time that you got to drive my baby girl. Give me a minute and I'll be ready. I'll let you lead."

I headed into the garage to get my bike. I knew It wasn't nice of me to spring this on Clint but I just couldn't resist a little mischievousness. The look on his face as I pulled out of the garage door was priceless. He was completely stunned. I couldn't stop the wicked smirk on my face as I said, "Well, are you going to lead or not? Me and The Witch haven't been out for a while so we're ready to ride.

I was a bit concerned when Clint simply started his bike and led out. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was actually worried. We taken a significantly longer route to get to the restaurant but we needed. I knew that some men do not respond well to surprises or to having their preconceptions rocked. I'd even had a few get pretty violent and rather abusive at least verbally. It was hard to tell how anyone would react to having someone behave in a way they didn't expect. I hope Clint would be one of those that find the humor in the situation.

I already apologize for Friday night and now it looked like I needed to apologize for tonight also. This relationship, if that is what it was, was not getting off to a good start. I parked my bike next to Clint's. I wanted to look contrite and apologetic but the sheer joy of the ride overrode my sincerity as I said," I'm sorry that was not very nice of me. I probably should have told you that I had a bike or offered to drive but I had a feeling that you were trying to test me. I just couldn't resist surprising you and the look on your face was priceless. I hope it didn't ruin things."

I was surprised and intrigued when he replied, "no, you didn't ruin things at all. In fact, I think you may have just fixed a couple things."

I was totally intrigued and told Clint, "I think you're going to have to explain that remark. But first thing, I need to explain and apologize for what happened last Friday night."

We were walking toward the restaurant so I didn't see the look of panic on his face at first. But when he looked at me as he opened the door, it was obvious. He said, "You really don't have to do that."

I almost shook my head and rolled my eyes at his obvious avoidance technique but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I said, "Actually, I do. You need to know if you are ever going to understand me. I'm hoping this date will be the beginning of something special and I don't want to start with a misunderstanding. "

Clint didn't reply to that remark and I watched to see how he'd respond. He first got our table and then buried himself in the menu. I could tell he was hoping that I'd just drop the whole issue. I could tell that he thought I was going to get all teary and emotional and go into great detail about my crappy childhood or whatever and he really didn't want to deal with it. I decided that my best was to confront the whole issue thing immediately. "Oh my Lord," I laughed. "Quit panicking I am not going to burst into tears, bare my soul, and declare my undying love and devotion. I just feel you deserve an explanation for my insane behavior."

His reply was all male, "I am not panicking."

I'd learned how to be a smart ass from the best so it was natural for me reply, "Yeah right, and my sister's Easter Bunny."

I was pleased when Clint came back with a laugh, "Really when can I meet her. Period I was told the Easter Bunny is a myth."

I smiled and looked at him. "Haven't you heard, so are superheroes. Seriously or at least semi-seriously, it's not that complicated or dramatic. When I was young and then for a time after my husband died, I went a little crazy. I did things and let people do things to me that I regret. Once I got my head on straight, I promised myself that I'd never go there again. I almost broke that promise that night and that's why I was upset. Sorry you got cut up in the drama."

I finished off very matter-of-factly, "Now what are you having for dinner? The steak is incredible but I usually prefer the chicken." I really wanted to get off the subject now that I'd gotten things off my chest.

It took Clint a while to respond and when he did it had nothing to do with that Friday. He said, "I think I'm going to have the prime rib."

I was a relieved by his response and started to relax. I was making casual chitchat when I said, "So, how long are you going to be in town?

When he replied, "I have to leave Thursday morning for an assignment." I was blown away. I knew that Clint wouldn't be around forever, but I'd expected longer. When he left, I knew that the odds were he'd never be back. I was wondering, _what do I do now?_ When he asked for my phone number, I felt a surge of happiness and hope. Maybe he really was interested in something more than just a fling.

We exchanged numbers and I was pleased that he understood how much I hated talking on the phone. He didn't seem to mind that I prefer texting to calling and that there would be times I could not respond. I know that I understood his situation. I didn't expect him to talk to me at a moment's notice, or to call me every day, but hoped he would drop me a line when he could.

The waitress took our order and we settled into a rhythm of conversation. Unlike our breakfast were all we had was light chat and banter or that embarrassing Friday night of intense roller coaster emotion, this time we really talked. Clint asked about me and answered questions about himself. There was so much about this complex man that I hadn't even guessed about. Our pasts are very different, but we have some points of contact, I hadn't expected. Clint told me that he had once been a ranch hand and that he really enjoyed riding. I think that's when I got the idea to ask him for dinner and a ride. The longer we talked, the more interested I got. I knew that I had to find a way to convince Clint to spend some more time with me. I wasn't sure where this was going, but I needed time to figure out what I was willing to invest in finding out.

We finished eating and once it was obvious the waitress wanted us to leave, I suggested we go for a ride before Clint brought me home.

The ride home was relaxing and gave me time to plan what I wanted to do. When we got to my place, I asked Clint if he wanted to come have a home-cooked meal and a horseback ride the next day. Clint seemed pleased at the invite and with a quick hug and friendly kiss. He roared off on his bike.


	7. Chapter 7 - The Ride - Raven

The next day I got up and did a quick buff and polish of the house. I generally keep things straightened up so there wasn't a lot to do, but I mopped the floors, finished laundry, and kind of decluttered. My mother would've suggested that I dust, but I don't do that thing for anything or anyone.

I hadn't told Clint when to come over so I texted him and was pleased when he texted back almost immediately. I told him to come by around 4 PM. I figured that would give us time to ride, but not too long. Clint was in great shape, but getting saddlesore had less to do with muscle tone and strength than most people realize.

I didn't want to spend a lot of time cooking supper so I tossed together a meatloaf ans put it in the fridge. I'd put it in the oven just before we went to ride and it would be done by the time we finished. It wasn't exactly a traditional date night meal, but I've been out of the dating scene from long time. I hadn't even invited any of my dates to the house since my husband had died to come over. I know they say that women prefer sex in their own bed, but I'm not like most women.

I jumped in the shower and did a bit of buff and polish on myself. There wasn't a lot it made sense to do due to the fact we would probably just be getting dirty and sweaty ridding, but I could start out looking good. I put on a pair of my nice barn jeans and a flattering but not too fancy shirt. With my hair in ponytail to keep it out of my eyes, so mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick, I was ready for company. It was just in time too. I could hear Clint's motorcycle, coming up the drive.

I went out to the garage and opened up the doors so Clint could park. I was really nervous wondering what his reaction to my very unique house would be. I could tell he was being very careful to keep his expression neutral and that had me worried. My husband and I had lived here for almost 10 years and I planned to stay until I died. It wasn't a house for everyone, but for me it was perfect.

I'd put the dogs up in their kennel for the evening. They're both sweet, but can be overwhelming. Parker is a massive Rottweiler and Princess is a collie. They both love people and will "attack" a stranger with paws and kisses.

I asked Clint if he wanted to a quick tour of the place before I caught the horses.

He replied, "A quick tour? This place is massive."

"Actually," I said. "It's not quite what it looks like. The entire structure is 95 x 64 about 5700 ft.². My living quarters are only a small portion of it. Follow me.

"What you are in now is the original 60 x 40 metal building my husband and I bought originally. Where my car is parked used to be 2 stalls and a tack/feed room until i added the building onto the backside. Now, it is the garage/shop/party room. The deck up there has a fully stocked bar and fridge and a three-quarter bath. Down here, I have a massive movie screen with a projector plus tables and chairs that I keep packed behind the stairs.

"My living area is through here," I continued as I led Clint through and the back door and in to the kitchen. I pointed out the bathroom on the right and the living room on the left.

"I need to get the oven preheating and put the meatloaf on," I said. "Please look around and make your self comfortable. My bedroom is up the stairs in the loft. The TV and fireplace up there are a dream. The hot tub is on the front porch. You can see the rest of the building from that porch."

I busied myself with getting dinner set up and the stove warming while Clint wandered around. I wanted to give him time to relax before taking him around my horses. I needed some time too. I knew it would be a disaster if I got on my horse while I felt so out of sorts.

Clint walked out ot the porch and then come back in saying, "You have a nice sized riding arena out there."

"Yeppers." I replied with a grin. "I can come home from work and never leave my house except for groceries and still get to ride and shoot."

Clint's face showed a spark of interest at that comment and he asked, "Shoot?"

"I thought that might catch your attention. Let me show you." I led Clint back out the back door. "You see where my car is parked.? That line on the floor is 80 feet from my target at the other end of the barn. Just beyond that door is an embankment and backstop safe enough for most pistols and rifles. I'm not nearly the marksman you are, but I enjoy shooting and try to do my best"

As we walked into the barn area, I pointed out the target for bow practice. "I don't practice as much as I should. The big palomino gelding here is trained for mounted shooting competitions."

"You're welcome to use the targets anytime you want, but I'm sure they won't pose a challenge to you." We were standing next to the stalls and i was casually rubbing on Swan's nose.

"Let's get saddled up. If you still want to ride?" I feeling very hesitant. Clint hadn't really said much and I was getting a bit concerned. There was a reason I didn't invite many people to my house. It is my sanctuary and I hated it opening my life up for criticism.

"Which horse am I riding? What's his name?" came the quick calm reply.

"You're going to be riding this little mare. Her name is Swan. I know she's not exactly small at 16 hands, but she's my baby girl. i bred her, raised her, and have trained her. She's got some basic training in dressage and reining work. She's rather opinionated, but sweet and a great mover."

"The Palomino over there is Cici. He's best with slow work except for when we go to a competition. Then, he's a different animal. I use him for most of my lessons since he's so laid back."

"I'm going to be riding the bay in the last stall. His name is Magic and he is a bit special. I rescued him and his history makes him a lot more sensitive than the others. Stay away from his backend and you'll be fine."

I pulled a halter off the stall door and started in to the stall to catch Swan for Clint. "I'll get a saddle on Swan and you can get warmed up while I get Magic ready." I went on.

i was stopped by Clint's hand over mine on the stall door. "Let me. It will help me get acquainted with her. Where's her tack and your grooming brushes? " I semi-reluctantly handed over Swan's halter. I wasn't used to letting just anyone handle my horses. Most people would let me do the work unless I told them otherwise. On the other hand, I was curious how Clint would handle Swan. She was a sweet girl generally, but she had a definite personality and could be rather spirited.

"The tack room is over there," I said as I pointed to it. "Everything is labeled. You can use whichever saddle you want except my sidesaddle or the Australian outback."

"Sounds good, "he replied. "Now, go get yourself ready while Swan and I get to know each other."

I walked slowly to my horse's stall and caught him. As I got saddled and ready i kept an eye on Clint just in case he had some trouble. I was pleasantly surprised that the quiet confidence and gentle touch he had with Swan. Men generally tend to be a bit heavy handed and aggressive with horses. Mine will tolerate that kind of behavior to a point, but it's not what they are used to. Clint was soon ready and warming up in the arena. He had a good seat and i could tell he knew how to handle a quality horse like Swan.

I mounted up on my own horse and after a couple laps around the arena asked, "How about we go for a short trail ride?"

"You're the boss," he said with the big grin. "Lead on."

"You're feeling brave to trust me to lead. Good thing I have a policy about not breaking my guests on their first visit, " I teased. i was laughing as i dismounted. "I'm going to let the dogs out so they can run too. I'm hoping a good run will get them tired so they won't be too obnoxious when we get back," I continued. "Just head right through this gate and wait for me. I'll be back in a minute." I let the dogs out of their kennel, led my horse out to where Clint was, and remounted. Once I was settled in my saddle, we all headed up to front gate of my property and down along the road.

I live several miles from nowhere on a dirt road, so the traffic is almost nonexistent. That makes it very safe to trail ride. We rode quietly along just enjoying the wind in our faces. I don't talk a lot when I'm riding unless it's a lesson or I'm talkng to my horse. It's my quiet place. Riding centers me. It takes me out of myself and away from the chaos of everyday life. Many people don't get that. A lot of people consider a trail ride a good time for chit-chat and gossip. Clint seemed to appreciate the quiet.

We walked and trotted along until we reached a dirt road about a mile from my place. I could feel my horse tensing up and starting to get excited. I also saw Swan's head come up her ears prick. I turned to Clint and explained, "This road is soft and smooth enough that we can let the horses really run without danger. They recognize this streatch as the spot where they get to play a bit. Are you ready for a run? Swan is pretty quick and very agile. Be prepared for her to turn quick and tight. Oh and if she spooks, hold on. She can be across the road in ond stride and never slow down."

Clint give me a wicked smile, leaded over Swan's neck, and said, "Let's go, girl!" That was all Swan needed to hear and she took off like a shot down the road. I took a minute to get tight in my seat and followed after. My horse isn't as fast as Swan at the first, but he has a huge stride and incredible stamina. Swan is a powerhouse of muscle and can take off quick, but tires out and gets lazy. The section we were using is a couple of miles long and we easily caught Swan at about halfway. She was starting to slow down and take it easy, but kicked it up again when Magic flew past her. We got to the end of the road and stopped to wait for Clint and the dogs to catch up. I could feel the smile on my face and could see that he was smiling also.

"You cheated," Clint accused as he rode up.

"Excuse me? How could I have cheated? It's not like we were racing, that was just a good run, "I replied.

"You told me Swan was fast, but you didn't tell me she went 0 to 60 in nothing flat. I think I have whiplash," he laughed.

"That's what the hot tub is for," I countered. "Are you ready to head back? I'm going to go at a controlled slow lope until we get back to the gravel. You are welcome to go faster or slower, but Swan does have a lovely smooth slow lope. I just don't want the horse to start to think they can get in the habit of racing around."

Clint agreed and we headed back the way we had come. The dogs trailed behind us with happy tired grins on their faces. Once we got home, it was quick work to unsaddle feed and turn out the horses. The dogs are too tired to get really worked up about the company. They actually seem to immediately accept Clint.

When we finally went back into the house, the smell of cooking food was heavy in the air. My stomach responded by growling loudly. Clint chuckled and said, "I agree. It smells delicious."

"Well, it should be done." I told him as I washed my hands and grabbed a couple oven mitts. " If you want to washup, I'll have everything ready shortly." Clint went to the bathroom and I could hear him washing up. I pulled the meatloaf out of the stove and set it on top and was cutting pieces to put on plates that I'd already set out when Clint came back out of the bathroom.

"Okay, what can I do to help?" He asked.

"I got it. You just sit and relax," was my reply. I'm independent and I hate to ask for help. Since my husband had passed away, I wasn't used to anyone being around help anyways. Besides, my mother had always taught me that guests didn't have to help out and family had better be helping out already. His response was what I should have expected, but I guess I'd got new used people not following through.

Clint said, "Tell me where the glasses are and I'll get the drinks. Let me help out a bit. I want to." I squashed my natural response and directed him to the cabinet with glasses. If i wanted him to become less of a stranger, I needed to quit treating him like one. I told him what was available in the fridge.

"I want a glass of wine. There's beer if you like and whiskey for mixed drinks. I only have Diet Coke or water for the base." Clint got me a glass of wine and set about fixing himself a drink. I'd started keeping several different brands of whiskey at the house for when friends came to hang out. They all drank different brands so I had, Jack Daniels black label, Crown Royal, and Jim Bean on hand in the fridge. Towards the back of the fridge was a three-quarter empty bottle of Jack Daniels Green label. My husband was the only person i knew who drank that brand ,but I just couldn't seem to throw it out. I watched curiously and as he checked out the variety. My throat tightened and tears threatened when he pulled out the Jack Daniels green label.

I knew that I was in trouble right then. Clint was in many ways nothing like my husband. His past, his issues, his job, they were very different. The obvious things were different, but the subtle things, the things that I had fallen for my first husband, were all there. His integrity, arrogance, intelligence, compassion, sarcastic sense of humor, they were the things that mattered to me. I tried desperately to backpedal mentally and emotionally. I was reading too much, getting way to emotionally involved. I needed to slow down or things were going to get ugly for me when he left, and I already knew he was leaving. He'd told me the night before. I knew his leaving would most likely be permanent but it would most definitely be at the very least temporary.

I let out a sigh and took a long drink of my wine. I was going to be alright no matter what happened tonight, tomorrow, or next week. I could handle this. Clint must've heard me sigh or noticed something off about my facial expression because he asked, "Is everything okay?"

I gave myself a mental shake and slap. Smiling brightly, I said, "My husband liked Green Jack. Not many will pick it over the others."

Clint looked concerned and said, "Is it okay if I drink it?"

"Of course, he's not going to be. I'm not keeping it for sentimental reasons, not intentionally. I just haven't found anyone to finish the bottle," I said. I figured that the conversation was over. Most people and men especially didn't like talking about my dead husband. Men didn't want comparisons made and women didn't want to hurt me. My friends knew me better than that. My husband was gone not me. He would always be a part of my life and I loved talking about him, but I was ready to move on and find someone to share the rest of my life with. I am quite capable of loving another man just as much I did and still do my first husband.

At that time, the possibility of Clint being a permanent part of my life really didn't cross my mind. I did think he might be a good friend and/or lover if he wanted to. I didn't think he'd be content in the long-term with the laid-back pace of my life.

I was pleasantly surprised when he asked, "How long were you married?" as he sat down at the bar.

"22 years," I said between bites of food.

"That's great," came Clint's genuine sounding response. "Did you build this house? The two of you?"

I was curious where this conversation was heading, but decided not to start second guess Clint. I explained the history of the house, how we'd gotten it, what was added on and when, and other details. After I'd finished talking, I asked, "Why do you ask?"

Clint had finished eating and was resting his chin on his hands while watching me talk. I tended to talk with my hands so it can be quite a show. After minute, he said, " This place displays so much personality. It is very unique and intriguing. There's parts I can tell are you but I can see parts where there's the definite influence of another person. And then, there are things that I just wonder about. I would never have put you as someone who would live where you live or do the things you do," he commented casually.

"I'm not sure if you're complementing my house and me or not. Yes, it is truly a unique set up and mostly influenced by me. Yes, there is alot my husband still here. I love him very much. However, that doesn't mean I'm planning to mourning forever and can never love another man. He would have hated for me to do that. As far as the other things you wonder about, well, let's just say I've had alot of years to become a unique person of my own and I tend not fit any molds." I responded somewhat huffily.

"Actually, I think your place is incredible. It's a home. I could feel very comfortable here," he replied calmly.

"I'm glad. I'm not Martha Stewart or June Cleaver. I like my house to feel lived in and open." I concluded. "I promised you some time in the hot tub to treat your whiplash. There are some swimtrunks in the bottom drawers of the dresser next to the sink in the bathroom that you can choose from. I'm going to clean off the table and take the top off the hot tub while you change."

Clint went into the bathroom and I hurried to get things done. I felt kind of bad for how I'd reacted to his comments about the house and myself. I was a bit defensive, but i was tired of being judged by my looks, my profession, and my widowhood. I just wanted someone to accept me the way I was no matter how unusual people seemed to think i was.

When Clint came out of the bathroom, he was wearing one of the suits I kept for spares. It was a simple black brief that rode low on Clint's hips. The sight of him made my mouth water and my breath catch. I could spend hours just nibbling on him. His arms and shoulders rippled with muscle and he had just a hint of a six pack. I like my men in shape, but a little softness around the middle makes it more comfortable to cuddle. I'd been so frustrated and distracted the first time we'd met I really hadn't payed attention to anything but his eyes.

It hit me then how totally screwed I was. Clint was pretty much the perfect guy for me. Physically, he made me as hot and horny as I'd ever felt as a teenager. Mentally, he gave me a challenge with his wit and intelligence. He was a confident alpha male and I was aways totally sucker for that. Well, I thought, I never did learn to take it slow. Since I'm already half in love with this guy, why not go for broke? It's not like it's going to hurt any less when he leaves.

I gulped down the rest of the wine in my glass and set it down on the bar. Clint said, "I'll refill that and meet you in the tub." I didn't trust myself to say anything intelligent or even coherent so I simply nodded and headed towards the bathroom.

Once I got in to the bathroom I had a good heart to heart talk with myself as I got in my swimsuit. Truth was, no matter what happened tonight I was well on my way to getting hurt. If heartache was inevitable, why didn't I just embrace the situation. A woman like me didn't meet someone like Clint every day and besides I wanted the memories and experience. What the hell, I thought, Why not? Unlike last Friday, I was making a choice and not just being swept up in the moment. Of course, there was the possibility Clint wasn't interested anymore but I've been told no before and it didn't kill me. With a quick glance in the mirror to make sure I didn't have an obvious smudges, I headed out to the hot tub.

Clint had refilled my wineglass and put it on the table next to the spa. I climbed in and then turned to pick up my glass. It was a bit of a stretch but I'd done it many times before. I'd noticed that Clint's eyes were closed and he was relaxed back against the side of the spa.

I jumped and froze when he said, "Stay where you are."

I looked back over my shoulder at him and asked "What? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he said. "For one, I like the view. For another, I want to take a closer look at that tattoo I see peeking out from beneath your swimsuit." I saw him coming towards me over my shoulder and I felt his hand rest on my back. His fingers stroked the small indents on my shoulder blade that appear to form a small cat's paw. "How did this happen?"

I managed to choke out,"It's a birthmark." My back is incredibly sensitive and Clint's soft touch was making me crazy. I couldn't help the goosebumps that popped up wherever he touched or the way my back arched underneath his palm, but I did manage not to moan and shudder.

He asked, "Am I tickling you?"

I know I sounded strangled when I replied, "Not exactly."

Clint pushed my swimsuit bottoms just low enough to see my whole tattoo. I felt the tips of his fingers start tracing the outline the tattoo. I got my tattoo couple of years before my husband had passed away. It was a custom design to celebrate our lives together. The tattoo started just below my waist and traveled down to just above my butt cheeks and from hip to hip. The centerpiece is a Celtic Loveknot. The knot is bracketted by winged unicorns whose horns cross above it. My son's name is just below the crossed horns and above the knot. My husband's name was on the bottom side. After my husband died, I've added the date we met and the date he'd died to each side. I never offered explanations about my tattoo. It was very personal and I didn't want to sound like I was apologizing. I was surprised when Clint actually asked, "What do the dates represent?"

"The date we met and the date he died," I said softly.

Clint gently put my bottoms back in place and said, "Beautiful." Then proceeded to slap me hard on the ass. I was completely stunned for a few seconds. I could hear Clint laughing behind me.

Without thinking, I launched myself at him trying to smack him on the chest. He easily caught me and quickly had my hands pinned behind my back. I ended up straddling his lap with my chest hard against his. He was still laughing when he said, "Are you done trying to hit me?"

I grumbled, "Yes." But couldn't help the grin and laugh I'd been suppressing from popping out. I started to push myself off him when he tighted his arms back around me.

I was thrown off balance when he said, "I caught you so I get to keep you, right?" My face must've had shown how stunned I was because Clint simply smiled and kissed me.

I let myself melt in to Clint's body. Now that I wasn't focused on trying to get revenge over the butt slap, I felt his arousal nestled between my legs. One of my hands slid up to wrap around his neck and slip through his hair while the other lay softly on his chest. Clint's hands drifted down my back and into my swimsuit bottoms. He pulled me tighter against his body and I slid both my hands around his neck. After a few minutes, he pulled away and said, "Are you sure about this?"

I growled in frustration and said, "Yes, I'm sure."

I tried to go back to kissing Clint, but he put his hands on my hips and held me away as he asked, "What changed?" I realized things weren't going anywhere until we talked so I pushed away from Clint and went to sit on my side of the hot tub. I made sure to rub him myself across his chest as I pulled away and was rewarded with a hiss as his cock jumped against me.

"What changed? Everything and nothing," I began. "The truth is that you leave tomorrow. This could be just another quick fling for you, but that's not my responsibility. That Friday we know was gonna be a one-time thing. Tonight could be the start something special or the end of an affair. Either way, it's not a quick and dirty f*ck with no real connection but lust, at least not for me. How you feel and act is your responsibility. Just as how I feel is mine." "Can you live with that or do you want to leave now?" I finished.

Clint looked thoughtful for a minute and then said, "Sounds like you've thought about this carefully. I'm good with it if you are. How about you come over here and we can pick up where we left off?"

I really wanted to go back to what I was doing, but my mischievous streak poked it's head out and I found myself saying, "Not right now. I'm not in the mood anymore." I rested my head back on the side of the hot tub and closed my eyes. I was curious what Clint's reaction would be. It had been a while since I met somebody who could take teasing as well as dishing it out.

Next thing I know Clint is sitting on my lap. My eyes popped open and I gasped as he growled, "Not in the mood anymore? I can take care of that." Instead of kissing me on the lips as I'd expected he leaned down a give a little nip at the side of my neck and then started kissing down along my neck and shoulder. That's a hugely sensitive spot for me. I felt chills run down my body and every kiss made me moan and squirm. Clint pulled away and said, "Are you in the mood again or should I just give up?"

"You stop now and I will never forgive you!" I swore.

Clint moved off my lap and back towards his seat. He snagged his hand in the waist band of my suit and pulled me with him. Once he was sitting again, he put both hands on my hips and picking me up, set me on his lap. He reached up and pulled the ties that help the top of my swimsuit on and let it fall off into the water. He pulled me close enough to be able to suckle on one of my nipples. Each pull sent heat down my body to pool between my legs and tighten up my inner muscles. I felt as if I would explode without him inside me. I reach around and pulled on the short hairs on the back of his neck until he looked up at me. The passion in his eyes sent a jolt through my body. I whispered huskily, "I need to feel you inside me now!"

I slid off Clint's body far enough to pull down his trunks and release his cock so I could stroke it. His hard length was soft and smooth against my palm. I was tempted to bend down and take him in my mouth, but the prospect of water up my nose deterred me. I'd have to do that later. I pulled off my swimsuit bottoms and then come back to straddle Clint and slip myself down on him. He felt so good inside me it was all I could do not to orgasm right then. I started rocking myself forward and backwards not really rising up but just rolling my hips and feeling him inside me. He fit me perfectly and each movement stimulated my G-spot until I felt my inner muscles rippling and squeezing. Clint held my hips and kept me from floating away as he started thrusting deeper inside me. The pressure and pleasure grew until I felt him jerk and pulse inside me and I tumbled over the edge into my own orgasm. I collapsed smiling and spent on Clint's chest.

Once we'd both caught our breath, he said, "Well, that was very nice. Why don't we do it again in the bed?"

I laughed and replied, "I think that can be arranged." I took Clint's hand and led him upstairs to my bed. We spent the rest of the night and well and well into the morning exploring each other's bodies until I fell asleep wrapped his arms with my head resting on his shoulder.

I woke up to an empty bed except me and the dogs. A rush of disappointment hit me and I took a moment to suppress it and embrace incredible memories i know had. I refused to regret that last evening. I'd hope for more than just one night, but expected what I now found. I got out of bed and headed downstairs. I relished the tenderness I felt between my legs as I walk. I went into the bathroom to get cleaned up and ready for the day. There taped to the mirror was a note.

Raven,

I'm bad at goodbyes and I hated to wake you up. Had to head to headquarters. Will text when I get there. Keep you posted on when I'll be back.

Clint

It wasn't a love letter, but it was hope and that's sometimes better.


	8. Chapter 8 - The Ride - Clint

Chapter 8 – The Ride - Clint

I was surprised when Raven invited me to her house after our date. During the time I had been a ranch manager, I have learned that there were two types of horse people. There are ranchers who see horses as livestock and then there are truly course people. The horse people tend to consider their animals as family and they treat them as such. If you regard somebody as family, you don't let just anybody mess with them. Most horse people, I found, did not let just anybody ride their horses. Raven didn't really know me very well. For her to invite me to her house to ride was a surprise and a privilege.

I hung around the barracks until I got a text from Raven telling me what time to be at her house. I had a little extra time so I got in a workout, packed up my room, took a shower and headed to her place.

Raven must've heard my motorcycle as I was driving up the driveway because as I arrived at the building. She opened up the garage doors and motioned me in to a parking space. What I saw inside was totally unexpected and I had to work hard to keep my expression neutral. From the outside, the building looked like a metal warehouse. There were the doors spaced intermittently along each wall. Some of the doors were large overhead doors like garage doors; each was about 14 foot tall and around 10 foot wide. Other doors were Dutch doors slightly larger than what you have for your normal house but not unusual. Only one side had any Windows that I could see.

I had expected an open parking garage with shelves, basically a warehouse look. What I found was a garage that felt more like a back porch or a fun hangout. I couldn't really see the whole area and was curious what was hidden behind the walls and doors I couldn't see through. Raven asked me if I wanted a quick tour of the place before she caught the horses.

I replied, "A quick tour? This place is massive."

"Actually," she said. "It's not quite what it looks like. The entire structure is 95 x 64 and 5700 ft.². My living quarters are only a small portion of it. Follow me."

I followed Raven as she headed to the right and towards his walk-through door. "What you are in now, is the original 60 x 40 metal building my husband and I bought originally. Where my car is parked used to be two stalls and attack/feed room until I added the building on the back side. Now, it is the garage/shop/party room. The deck up there is a fully stocked bar, with a fridge and a three-quarter bath. Down here, I have a massive movie screen with a projector plus tables and chairs that I keep packed behind the stairs."

"My living area is through here," she continued as she led me through the back door and into the kitchen. She pointed out the bathroom on the right in the living room on the left of what was a mostly open floor plan in an area that looked to be only 20 x 40. I could see stairs leading to a loft over the kitchen. The ceiling in the living room was at least 14 ft high and I saw paintings decorating the walls.

"I need to get the oven preheated and the meatloaf on," she said. "Please look around and make yourself comfortable. My bedroom is up the stairs to the left in the loft. The TV and fireplace up there are a dream. The hot tub is on the front porch. You can see the rest of the building from that porch."

As Raven bustled around the kitchen, getting the oven preheating, taking the meatloaf out of the refrigerator, and doing all the things women do to get ready for company, I walked out onto the front porch. I wasn't going to go upstairs yet I figured that might be little too bold. I hoped in a way that I would be invited up there later. As I stepped out onto the front porch, I saw the hot tub on the right and on the left there was a nice little café table with a few chairs. The room was filled with plants and flowers. The air was moist and fragrant. The wall in front of me was glass from floor to ceiling and I could see a large covered riding arena. So that was what the rest of the building was made up of, I could also see on the far right three stalls. There was what looked like a concrete wash stall and a closed off room that was backed up against the wall next to the hot tub. I was intrigued by the fact that there were balloons tied to the top of several barrels and what looked like a target in one corner of the arena. I'd have to ask Raven about that one day.

I came back out into the house and said, "You have a nice size riding arena out there."

She smiled and said, "Yeppers. I can come home from work and never leave my house except for groceries and still get to ride and shoot."

I could practically feel my ears prick and I said, "Shoot?" Maybe she would explain what the target was in the corner of the arena and the balloons I'd seen.

"I thought that might catch your attention. Let me show you," she led me back out the back door and pointed to where her car was parked. "You see where my car is parked? That line on the floor is 80 feet from my target at the other end of the barn. Just beyond that door is an embankment and backstop safe enough for most pistols and rifles. I'm not nearly the marksman you are, but I enjoy shooting and try to do my best."

Raven led me past her car towards the stalls as we walked into the barn area. She pointed towards the target that I'd I had been looking at. "That's my target for bow practice. I don't practice as much as I should." Then she pointed at the balloons, "The big palomino gelding here is trained for mounted shooting competitions. That's what we use the balloons for."

"You're welcome to use the targets anytime you want, but I'm sure they won't pose a challenge to you," she said. We were standing next to one of the stalls and she was casually stroking and rubbing on the face of a pretty gray horse.

I was still trying to process everything that I had just seen. The style of the house and the way it was built reminded you of a log cabin. There was a lot of old exposed unpainted wood. It was smaller than most people would want and there is definite Western feel to it but I would've called it Western or country. There were too many things that didn't fit a Western motif. There was a picture of Marilyn, pictures of motorcycles, and even some very provocative Mardi Gra beads. It had a girly feel to it with unicorns and stuffed animals in places, but it was not overwhelmingly feminine. There was a definite edge, a masculine feel, and things most women did not have. All-in-all, it was a very comfortable looking house and feeling house. The barn, the garage, the covered arena, the shooting range was all very unique. While I wasn't the horse person that I could tell Raven was, I could see myself having a place like this someday. Especially if I could shoot and work on my bike and do all the things I loved and yet have some privacy.

I'm not sure what Raven saw on my face, but she sounded hesitant and little concerned when she said, "Let's get saddled. If you still want to?"

Everything I've seen so far actually made me even more eager to go for a ride. You can tell a lot about a person by the horses that they have and how they act. I asked, "Which horse am I riding? What's his name? "

"You're going to be riding this little mare. Her name is Swan. I know she isn't exactly small at 16 hands but she's my baby girl. I bred her, raised her, and trained her. She's got some basic training in dressage and reining work. She's rather opinioned, but very sweet and a great mover." Raven said.

She went on to say, "The palomino over there is CC. He is best at slow work, except when we go to the competition. Then, he is a different animal. I use him for most of my lessons since he so laid back."

"I'm going to be riding the bay in the last stall. His name is magic and he is a bit special. I rescued him and his history makes him a lot more sensitive than the others. Stay away from his back end and you'll be fine."

I watched as Raven pulled the halter off stall door and started open up the door to catch Swan for me. I wasn't used to people doing anything for me and I was familiar enough with horses to know it would be better if I saddled Swan up and got to know her.

"I'll get a saddle on Swan and you can get warmed up while I get Magic ready." She said

I stopped Raven by putting my hand on hers before she could get the stall door open, "Let me. It will help me get acquainted with her. Where's her tack and your grooming brushes?" I could tell she was nervous about simply handing over Swan's halter. I waited patiently as Raven decided whether or not to leave me alone with her precious.

"The tack room is over there," she said, "everything is labeled. You can use whichever saddle you want except my sidesaddle or the Australian outback."

I decided not to question her about the sidesaddle comments. I'd been surprised enough already today. "Sounds good," I replied. "Now, go get yourself ready while Swan and I get to know each other."

I concentrated on grooming Swan and getting her saddled and ready to go. She really was a very sweet girl and well behaved. I found a saddle that I liked in the tack room and got her saddled up and then I rode her in the arena while waiting on Raven. Swan showed herself to be an incredibly smart, well-trained, sweet mare with a soft mouth and smooth gaits, but I could tell she could be a little bit bitchy she wanted to be. She was just the kind of horse I like to ride.

After a short period of time, Raven got out to the arena and was working her horse. I could tell he was very sensitive and almost borderline flighty, but he obviously adored Raven. After a few laps around the arena, she asked me, "How about we go for a short trail ride?"

"You're the boss," I said.

"You're feeling brave," she laughed. "It's a good thing I have a policy about not breaking my guests on their first visit. I'm going to let the dogs out so that they can run. I'm hoping a good run will get them tired so they won't be too obnoxious when we get back. Head right through this gate and wait for me. I'll be back in a minute."

I waited in the yard as Raven went to let the dogs out. It wasn't long before both dogs came pounding out the doors with Raven and Magic following close behind. Parker, the mastiff, bounced around like a pogo stick on crack. You could see that he was absolutely thrilled to be going on trial ride with us. He jumped and wiggled and squirmed with a huge grin on his big face. It made me smile to see a dog so happy and obviously well taken care of. Princess, the collie, was much more restrained and sat waiting regally as Raven got on her horse and headed down the driveway. She then took up what was obviously her position to the left and rear of Magic. I noticed she was very careful to stay out of kicking range. I'm guessing that Magic had taken aim a time or two.

It was a quiet peaceful ride. Raven wasn't one to chitchat, but focused on riding. I appreciated the time to just relax and enjoy myself. Swan was a joy to ride very responsive to my legs with a soft, easy mouth. We had been walking, trotting for about a mile when I felt Swan tense up. Raven was standing at the entrance to a dirt road. She turned to me and explained, "This road is soft and smooth enough that we can let the horses really run without danger. They recognize this stretch as a spot where they get to play a bit. Are you ready for a run? Swan is pretty quick and agile. Be prepared for her to turn quick and tight. Oh, and if she spooks, hold on. She can be across the road in one stride and never slow down."

A good hard run sounded really good to me. I knew Raven and I weren't really going to be racing. We were riding two very different horses. Swan is a stocky quarter horse built for sprints while Raven's Magic is tall and lean, and definitely dealt with endurance in mind. I couldn't resist the opportunity to get a head start and I leaned over Swan's neck and said, "Let's go, girl."

Apparently that's all Swan was waiting for. She took off like she'd been shot from a gun and almost left me behind sitting on the dirt road. I could feel her reaching and grabbing as she scrambled for footing and more and more speed. After about a quarter of a mile, I felt her starting to slow down and getting a little tired. Since we were just having fun, I didn't ask her to push herself. However, when Magic came flying by at top speed that motivated Swan to pick up her speed again and try to keep up. Magic continued to pull away. Surprisingly, so did Princess. She didn't seem to have any difficulty keeping up her position at Magic's heels. Raven and Magic reached the end of the road and stopped to wait for Swan and I. Raven was smiling from ear to ear as I rode up. "You cheated," I accused.

"Excuse me? How could I have cheated? It's not like we were racing, that was just a good run." She replied.

"You told me Swan was fast, but you didn't tell me she went 0 to 60 in nothing flat. I think I have whiplash," I laughed.

"That's what the hot tub is for," Raven countered. "Are you ready to head back? I am going to go at a controlled slow lope until you get back to the gravel. You're welcome to go faster or slower, but Swan does have a lovely smooth slow lope. I just don't want the horses to start to think they can get in the habit of racing around.

I knew how important it was to have good habits with horses and so wasn't surprised that Raven wanted to make sure and stay calm on the ride back. I wouldn't have minded a longer trail ride, but I knew I hadn't ridden in many years and I did not want to end up saddle sore.

Once we got back to the house, it was quick work to unsaddle, feed, and turn out the horses. The dogs were tired, happy, and extremely well behaved. Parker was quite lovable and seemed to accept me immediately. Princess, on the other hand, was a bit more standoffish, but seemed to be warming up.

We finally went into the house again and I could smell the food in the oven. It was a rich, meaty smell. I heard a gurgle and grumble come from the vicinity of Raven's stomach. Apparently she was as hungry as I was. I laughed and said, "I agree, that smells delicious."

"Well, it should be done," she told me as she washed her hands and grabbed a couple of oven mitts. "I will f you want to wash up, I'll have everything ready shortly."

I went into the bathroom to wash up and then came on out to the kitchen. She was cutting pieces of the meat loaf to put on plates and setting everything up to eat. I'm used to being alone and having to do for myself and I figured Raven was the same way. I thought maybe she would appreciate a hand in the kitchen. "Okay, what can I do to help?" I asked.

"I got it. You just sit and relax," was her reply.

I know a lot of people are hoping for a quick refusal when they ask if you would like some help. I wanted Raven to know that my offer was genuine. "Tell me where the glasses are and I'll get the drinks. Let me help out a bit. I want to."

After a moment of contemplation, she told me where the glasses were and what was available in the fridge. She said, "I want a glass of wine. There's beer if you like, and whiskey for mixed drinks. I only have Diet Coke or water for the base."

I looked in to the refrigerator at the options. A mixed drink sounded good. I'm not much of a wine guy. Beer is only really good after a hard day's work, and while it is a really cold. I'm a Jack Daniel's guy, but not the normal black label. It's less common but I prefer the green label has more of a bite to it. It's a bit edgier. I was surprised to see a fairly full bottle of Jack Daniels green label stashed in the back of the refrigerator. I pulled it out and turned around to set it on the counter to mix with a Diet Coke.

I heard a small sigh come from the direction where Raven was standing and I looked at her just in time to see an odd expression on her face. It was sad and yet surprised at the same time. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

Raven gave a small shake to her head and smiling brightly said, "My husband liked green Jack. Not many will choose it over the others."

For a minute, I was really concerned that I just made a major mistake. Was she keeping this bottle for sentimental reasons in remembrance of her husband? Was she even ready to start a new relationship? "Is it okay if I drink it?" I asked.

"Of course, he's not going to be. I'm not keeping it for sentimental reasons," she said, "not intentionally. I just haven't found anyone to finish the bottle."

Her comments were very matter-of-fact and somewhat reassuring, but I really needed to know more information. I wasn't going to be compared to a dead person or expected to fill his shoes. I asked, "How long were you married?" As I set down at the bar and began to eat.

"22 years," she said.

I was really surprised five years is a record in many places and 22, amazing. "That's great," I said. "Did you build this house? The two of you?" I was pretty sure that she had said that they had bought the house, but I wanted to know more information and this was an easy question to get some from.

As we ate, Raven told me about the history of the house and how everything had happened and many other details. The most important thing I learned was that Raven still loved her husband, but she genuinely seemed to have accepted his death.

I had finished eating and was resting my head on my hands while watching her talk. She talked with her hands so gracefully beautifully that it was a joy to watch. She asked, "Why do you ask?"

I took a minute to formulate my thought. I said, "This place displays so much personality. It is very unique and intriguing. There's parts I can tell are you, but I can see parts where there is the definite influence of another person. And then, there are things that I just wonder about. I would never have put you as someone who would live where you live or do the things you do."

I could tell the comment slightly pissed her off and she responded, "I'm not sure if you're complimenting my house and me or not. Yes, it is truly a unique set up and mostly influenced by me. Yes, there's a lot of my husband still here. I love him very much. However that doesn't mean I'm planning on morning forever and could never love another man. He would've hated for me to do that. As far as the other things you wonder about, well, let's just say I've had a lot of years to become the unique person of my hand and I tend not to fit any molds.

I could see how she might take my comments in the wrong way. So I replied calmly, "Actually, I think your place is incredible. It's a home. I could feel very comfortable here." All of that was true. I already was feeling very comfortable. What I didn't tell her was that a large part of my comfort was the company not just the home.

She smiled sweetly and said, "I'm glad. I'm not Martha Stewart or June Cleaver. I like my house to fill loved it and open."

"I promised you some time in the hot tub to treat your whiplash," she continued, "There are some swim trunks and the bottom drawers of the dresser next to the sink in the map room that you can choose from. I'm going to clean off the table and take the top off the hot tub while you change."

I went to the bathroom and dug through the drawers. There were quite a few swimsuits. Both men's and women's in various sizes, it was obvious that she collected them for friends. I picked a simple black pair briefs and put them on and then headed out to the hot tub. On my way there, I stopped in the kitchen just as Raven was finishing the wine in her glass. I told her, "I'll refill that and meet you in the tub."

I headed out to the hot tab and climbed in. the temperature was perfect. I laid back and put my head back on the side and closed my eyes. I had put Raven's glass on the table next to the spa. When I heard the door open, I opened my eyes slightly to see her coming out. She had on a very simple blue bikini that was faded from time in the hot tub. It wasn't anything special, but it showed off her curves and the fact that she just a bit of extra fat around her middle and just the tiniest adorable pooch in the front.

She wasn't supermodel thin or movie star gorgeous, but a classic beauty with smooth lines and creamy skin. I watched her from underneath my eyelids as she climbed into hot tub and turned to pick her wineglass up off the table.

My eyes popped open when I saw a large tattoo spread across to her lower back. "Stay where you are," I commanded.

I saw her jump a bit and then she looked back over her shoulder. She asked, "What? Something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," I said. "For one, I like the view. " She does have a nice ass. "For another, I want to take a closer look at that tattoo I see peeking out from beneath your swimsuit." As I came up behind Raven I couldn't help myself from running my fingers down her back. Chill bumps followed the track of my fingers and her back arched her butt closer to me. I noticed there was a series of small scars on her left shoulder blade. They looked almost like a small cat paw. "How did this happen?" I asked.

Her voice was distinctly husky as she said, "it's a birthmark."

I had a very good idea what was going on, but I asked anyways, "I am tickling you?"

She sounded slightly strangled when she replied, "not exactly." It was obvious that I was arousing her with my touch and I didn't want to push things too far, but I was mesmerized by the lines of the tattoo on her back. I traced the wings on the unicorn and then the name above and below the Celtic knot. There were dates on each side of her husband's names. I had an idea what they might be, but they didn't make sense. Most people put births and deaths, but if one of the dates was the birth her husband would've been 24 when he died and that didn't make any sense. I hoped I wasn't going to offend her or dig up unpleasant memories, but I really wanted to know. I asked, "What do the dates represent?"

Her voice was soft as she said, "The day we met, and the date he died." The sentiment was quite beautiful and choked me up. I gently pulled her swimsuit bottoms back into place and expressed the thought that was running through my mind about the tattoo and the woman before me, "Beautiful."

Of course, I couldn't just leave it like that. I had to take advantage of the opportunity in front of me. With an open palm, I slapped Raven squarely on her left butt cheek before sitting down again.

Raven froze for about five seconds before squealing, turning around, and throwing herself at me, swinging wildly. It was obvious she was not trained in combat. I easily deflected all her blows and I quickly had her hands pinned behind her back. She ended up straddling my lap with her chest hard against mine. I was still laughing when I asked her, "Are you done trying to hit me?"

She was adorably cute when she grumbled, "Yes." She started to push herself off of me, but I wasn't ready to let her go.

"I caught you, so I get to keep you right?" I teased. Raven looked rather stunned at that comment and I couldn't resist kissing her. She melted into me. Raven wrapping her arms around my neck as I slid my hands down under her swimsuit to cup her bottom. I pulled her tight against me so she could feel how aroused I was. When she didn't turn away, I wondered if that meant that she wanted to take things to the next level. I knew she wasn't the type for a one night stand and there was no way I could guarantee that that's not what this would be. I pushed her gently away and asked, "Are you sure about this?"

Raven gave me a look of frustration and growled, "Yes, I'm sure try." Before trying to come back and restart kissing me.

I needed to make sure that she wasn't making plans for our future simply because of this evening, so I asked, "What changed?"

Raven gave a big sigh and moved back into her original seat with a roll of her eyes. She said, "what changed? Everything and nothing. The truth is that you leave tomorrow. This could be another quick fling for you, but that's not my responsibility. That Friday, we know was going to be a onetime thing. Tonight could be the start of something special, or the end of an affair. Either way, it's not a quick and dirty fuck with no connection but lust, at least not for me. How you feel and act, is your responsibility. Just as how I feel is mine. Can you live with that or do you want to leave now?"

I thought about what she'd said and replied, "Sounds like you've thought about this carefully. I'm good with it, if you are." I knew a lot of what was going on was justification in her mind, but what she'd said was also true. Besides, I was seriously thinking that this area could be a great place to come back to on a regular basis. "How about you come over here and we pick up where we left off?" I asked.

I saw relief flash across her face and then a mischievous look. She said, "Not right now. I'm not in the mood anymore." She then rested her head back on the side of the hot tub and closed her eyes.

I liked the fact that she could be teasing and fun. I moved swiftly over to her side of the hot tub and sat on her lap with my knees on both side. Her eyes popped open and she gasped as I growled, "Not in the mood anymore? I can take care of that." I wondered if her neck was a sensitive as her back. I reached over and gave her little nip at the side of her neck and then started kissing down along her neck and shoulder. I could feel little shivers run down her body and she began to squirm and moan.

I pulled away and said, "Are you in the mood again or should I just give up?"

The look she gave me was pure evil. Then she said, "You stop now and I will never forgive you!"

I moved back off her lap and grabbed the front of her waistband and pulled her with me. Once I was seated again, I put my hands on her hips and lifted her up and sat her on my lap. It took only two tugs to get top of her swimsuit off and let it fall into the water. I pulled her close and latched on to one of her beautiful nipples. I could feel her wiggle against me, and hear little gasps and moans as she responded to me. My cock was already at full mast and only became harder as she rubbed up and down it. I felt a tug on the short hairs in the back my neck, and so I looked up into her eyes. She held my face in her hands and gave me small kisses, as she said huskily, "I need to feel you inside me, now!"

Raven slid off my body just far enough to pull down my trunks and release my cock. She began to stroke it with her hands. She had a look on her face like a little girl looking at a lollipop and I had a visual of her mouth wrapped around my cock. But I didn't want her to drown, so I was glad when she simply pulled off her swimsuit bottoms and moved back up my body to straddle me. Raven slid herself down on top of my cock. Her sheath was tight and her muscles rippled with each stroke. Her riding experience showed in the subtle ways that she twisted and slid. She didn't bump up and down or pound herself into me. She rotated her hips sliding me in and out stimulating both of us. I felt her getting tighter and her inner muscles squeezing rhythmically. I held her hips to keep her from floating off of me and started thrusting deeper and stronger until I exploded inside of her. My orgasm seem to stimulate hers and she finished only slightly after I did, and collapsed against my chest.

Once we had caught our breath, I said, "Well, that was very nice. Why don't we do it again in the bed?" It wasn't a romantic thing to say but it was me.

She laughed and replied, "I think that can be arranged." She took my hand and led me upstairs to her bed where we spent the rest of the night and well into the next morning. Raven finally fell asleep with her head on my shoulder and, shortly thereafter, so did I.

I woke up after a couple hours sleep knowing that I needed to leave and head to New York. I was surprised that I'd even slept a little bit. Usually, once I was done, I was done and out of there as fast as possible. With Raven, I wanted to stay. In her sleep, she'd rolled off my shoulder. It probably wasn't comfortable after very long. It was easy to get out of the bed and head down to the bathroom so I could get ready to leave. I thought about waking Raven up, but I hate goodbyes and leaving after a night of sex with no promises for another day was always pretty awkward. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have thought to do it, but I couldn't leave Raven without saying anything. After a bit of quiet looking around, I found a pen, paper, and tape. I wrote a short note and put it on her mirror

Raven,

I'm bad at goodbyes and I hated to wake you up. Had to head to headquarters. Will text when I get there. Keep you posted on when I'll be back.

Clint

I knew it wasn't the romantic mushy stuff that most women wanted, but I'm not exactly romantic or mushy. I just wanted her to know that I wasn't going to leave and have her never hear from me again. I hoped that was enough.


	9. Chapter 9 - The Change - Clint

10

Chapter 10

I knew it wasn't the nicest thing I've ever done, leaving without saying goodbye. In fact, it was probably rather cowardly, but I hated saying goodbye. The morning after is always awkward and especially this one. When I left Raven's house after that incredible night, I wasn't quite sure what to think. The whole evening was a lot more than I'd expected.

I didn't know really what to expect now. Was Raven the clingy type? I knew she wasn't in to one night stands. What did she want from me now? I wondered if she'd wait for me to call or if she'd start blowing up my phone. I was hoping I hadn't set myself up for disaster. This could be a big mistake. There was a part of me that wished I could have been there when she woke up, that was different. Most times I was simply relieved to be out of there.

I got back to the base and prepared to fly out to New York. The flight was uneventful and gave me time to think. I knew a relationship with Raven will be difficult to maintain long-distance, but didn't want to relegate her to either casual friend or one-time fling. That is unless she turned into some sort of psycho stalker type.

By the time I'd landed and made it back to my apartment, it was early afternoon. I'd promised to drop Raven a line when I got home, but was nervous with the result would be. This would be a big tell on how things would go. I sent, "Got home safe. I hope you slept well."

Her response was quick, "Stay safe. Slept great. Thanks for the night. Text when you can."

I was pleased and a little baffled at how she'd responded. It wasn't what I expected. It was kind of cold and distant, but wasn't that better than clinging and overly emotional. What exactly did I want? I wasn't sure anymore.

I texted a quick, "Will do," then headed to the office. It was still early in the situation and I didn't need to overanalyze everything.

As the days went by, I found myself texting Raven more and more. At first it was in response to her short friendly texts. Nothing demanding or clingy, but things like, "Have a good day!" Or "Be safe today!" If she missed a day or two, I'd start wondering if she was all right so I would text her. I think back and realize that if she'd waited for me to text; it would have been easy for me to fall into old habits and just forget. Her gentle reminders made sure that she wasn't casually dismissed in a way that wasn't obnoxious.

The mission Fury had cooked up was pretty typical of what he sent Nat and I on. I can't go into details, but it basically used Nat's spy interrogation techniques with my skills to keep her safe. It was very routine which gave me long periods of boredom broken with short periods of intense stress. I had to stay out of sight so had quite a bit of time on my hands. I usually spend the down time working out, practicing with the knife, and surfing the Internet. There was still some minor research that needed to be done, but Fury was very good about making sure we had accurate complete Intel so it didn't take much time.

One evening I found myself surfing Facebook. I'd created an account a few years ago, but didn't pay much attention. I used it simply as a way to pass the time. This time I started looking and found Raven's page. She accepted my friend request and I started reading her time line. I noticed that she didn't post a whole lot of statuses, but the ones that she did were always interesting. As I read further and further back in time, I learned more and more about this woman. I also found things to talk to her about that I hadn't expected.

The next time I texted Raven, I told her that I'd friended her and the name that I used. I wanted to make sure she didn't delete me as a friend. Raven had told me that she friended everyone that requested, but then went back and deleted those that she did not know or did not want to know. She asked why I hadn't created a Facebook account under my real name. I told her that there were several reasons. The first and foremost was that when I had gone to create one, my name, both Clint Barton and Hawkeye, were already being used. Secondly, I had looked at the accounts of the people who claimed to be me and had seen the multitudes of rabid and silly fans. I didn't want to deal with that.

Raven agreed with me that people could be nuts and that keeping my identity secret in such public place is probably a good idea. Since she now knew that I was looking at her Facebook page, I could ask her questions and we could have conversations. It passed the time and brought us closer.

Before long, the mission was over. Thankfully, it was both successful and undramatic. Nat and I went back to New York to debrief. On the flight home, she asked me about Raven. She had noticed that I was spending a lot of time on my phone texting her.

Nat was concerned at how involved I appear to be getting. She said, "I thought this was a one night think. I didn't think you wanted anything serious. Besides, she lives in Texas and you live in New York. How is that going to work?"

"I really don't know," I said. "But I think I want to find out."

"Well, before you get too involved I want to meet her." Nat replied. "You are my best friend and I don't want to lose you to some gold digger. I don't want to see you get hurt. Have you had Fury do a dossier on her?"

"Let me get to know her bit more before I bring you into it," I told Nat. "You can be pretty intimidating and I'd rather not run her off before I have a chance to get to know where. As for making a file on her, I don't think so. That's no way to have a relationship."

"Relationship? When did it become a relationship?"

"I think it was a relationship long before I started to acknowledge it. Raven's a good woman. I really think you will like her when you get to meet her."

"I hope you're right and as long as you are happy, I will be happy to."

Once the debriefing was done, there was the usual downtime between missions. Fury told me I'd only have a couple of days. He already had something in the works. I texted Raven to see what she was doing. I was hoping that she would not be working, but unfortunately she was.

This seemed to become a pattern for us if I had time, off she was working and if she had time off, I was working. We continued to text, but it became increasingly unsatisfactory. I'm a normal man and going without sex for months on end was not something I was used to. Raven and I hadn't made any sort of commitment to each other, but I'm not one to sleep with multiple women. Not that I would be adverse to menage a trois, but that every man's fantasy. I just don't have multiple lovers at one time.

We had started calling to talk to each other at least once a week. It helped being able to actually hear her voice, but it wasn't enough. During one conversation, I said something to Raven about being tired of taking care of things myself. I was shocked when she said, "If I'm not there to take care of you, and you find somebody you prefer like, I would understand."

"You wouldn't consider that cheating?" I asked.

"Well, we aren't married. In fact, neither of us has made any sort of commitment to the other one. That means that we are free to do as we wish with other people. Now, that doesn't mean I'm screwing around, that's not my way. What it means, is that I don't expect you to be faithful to me. I do expect you to be honest. If you do find somebody that you are with, then I would expect you to tell me. If you died to me or didn't tell me, I would consider that cheating. As long as you're honest with me and yourself, I don't have an issue." She explained.

"You mean you wouldn't care?" I asked.

"Hell, Yeah I'd care. I would care a lot. In fact, I probably hate it. The truth is I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, but you are there and I'm here. We don't know when if ever that will change. So, we may have to have an unconventional relationship." She replied vehemently

"That is probably the most mature unselfish thing I've ever heard a woman say about a relationship. It is probably also the biggest load of crap." I said matter-of-factly.

I could hear Raven laughing over the telephone line. "Which part?" She asked. "I met every word that I said."

"I'm sure you did." I said. "But, if I take you up on the offer to find another woman, it would change things. We haven't reached the point in a relationship that is something that's even an option. However, it does make me wonder if you have somebody else."

She laughed again and said, "Honey, between talking and texting with you, work, and the horses. I don't have time for somebody else. In all honesty, I'm not looking. I hope that doesn't put too much pressure on you. I haven't wanted to push the issue or ask for a commitment when we haven't even seen each other since our first time together."

"Well, then it seems like something needs to change. Have you considered moving to New York?" I couldn't believe the words that had come tumbling out of my mouth. What was I thinking? Nat was going to kill me, especially if Raven said yes.

There was a stunned silence on the line, and Raven said hesitantly, "Are you asking me to move to New York with you? I'd really don't know what to say. There is a part of me that wants to pack a bag and come up there today, but the reality is I'm not 21. I have a life, a career, and a home here. I can't just pack up and leave. I was afraid that this would become a problem. I just I just didn't expect it so soon."

"How about you come and stay at my house between missions?" she asked slowly.

"But you're not there much of the time," I responded.

"Well, how about if I was? I got a job offer from a hospital near where I live. Part of the reason I work so far from home is because it is so hard being alone in that empty house. If I knew you were going to be there at least part of the time it would be a lot easier. You don't have to completely move-in and get rid of your New York apartment, but it could be a second home." She offered.

"You would change jobs just to spend time with me?" I questioned. I was somewhat flattered but on the other hand, I was somewhat disappointed she didn't jump at the chance to move in with me.

"Yes, that's the least I can do. I wish I could do more but my life is here. I just can't give up my life to sit on the edge of yours waiting for when you come home." She replied.

"Isn't that what you're asking me to do?" I commented indignantly. That wasn't what I was asking of her, was it?

"I don't think so. I'm not asking you to give up your job. I'm not asking you to give up your friends. I'm not even asking you to give up your apartment. When you asked me to come live with you, did you even think about my horses, my dogs? What did you think I would do with them? I'm just asking you to come stay sometimes. Bring Natasha with you. I don't have the trailer out there for nothing." she finished breathlessly. I could hear tears and frustration in her voice.

"Trailer, what trailer?" I questioned. My mind was reeling. So much had been said in such a short period of time and I didn't know what to do or say next so I jumped on the one thing that stood out the most.

I could hear her take a deep breath and let it out. There was a slight shudder to her voice as she said, "There is a travel trailer and a horse trailer with living quarters parked on the backside of the house. You might not have seen it. The travel trailer I keep specifically for guests to stay in. They're both really nice or she can camp out on the couch. I would offer her a spot in the bed but I don't know how that would go over." She finished with a weak chuckle.

"I don't know what to say. Are you serious? I think I need to think about this. I'll talk to you later." I know it sounded abrupt when I hung up, but the whole conversation had left me completely unsettled. Raven had just told me that she loved me, rejected my invitation to come live in New York, but invited me to come live with her. She had in the same conversation given me permission to see other women. My mind reeling. I needed to think and reassess, somehow I had totally lost control over this relationship. Of course, reality was that I'd never had control, but I hadn't figured that out yet.

I left my phone in my apartment and went down to the workout room. I knew spending some time on the punching bag would help clear my mind. After about an hour, having worked up a good sweat, I was still just as confused and upset as when I started. I took a shower and headed back up to my apartment. On the way there, I decided to go by Nat's apartment and talk to her about what had just happened.

I knocked on Nat's door and luckily she was there. I told her about the conversation I had just had with Raven. I tried to be as factual as possible but I can honestly say I wanted her to take my side. The problem was that I didn't know what my side was. When I got done, I could tell that Nat was mad about something and I figured it was something Raven had said. Nat's always good about defending me. I was wrong. Nat looked at me and said, "You know I love you, but you can be such an ass. You actually asked her to give up her entire life and come to New York and be your on-call sex toy."

My immediate response was one of shock and dismay, but then I got offended. "That's not what I asked her," I said defensively.

"Really, that's what it sounded like to me. You're talking to her complaining about the fact that you're tired of using your hand to take care of yourself, and as a solution you ask her to come live with you.

"For her to do that, she would have to give up her job, give up her house, get rid of all her animals because you certainly don't have a place to keep them, and move-in with you on the hope that everything will work out. Do you think she's stupid? Do you think her life is so much less important than yours? "Nat continued. I could tell she was livid and looking at it the way she put it, I could understand why. I started to say something, but she waved at me to be quiet.

"I know what you are going to say," she went on. "I know you would introduce her around, take her places, make sure she had pets and horses, and generally take care of her. You are a good guy and you don't mean to be an idiot.

"The problem is that you have never gotten involved with a woman like her. She's 20 years older than your usual arm candy. From what you've told me, Raven has worked hard to become the person she is. She is a strong independent woman with a life of her own that she has been living rather contentedly without you in it. She doesn't NEED you or even want to need you. She likes you despite your status and not because. She has not only accepted you and the demands of your work, but opened her heart and home to you without making any demands on you. In fact, she gave you permission to treat her like a booty-call even after you insulted her intelligence, her life, and her home.

"Hell, if you don't want her, I do!" She finished up.

I sat on Nat's couch stunned in a way that I'd never been before. Nat had never talked to me like that. I wanted to get mad. I really wanted to protest and defend myself, but as usual Natasha was right. She was amazing at reading people and she knew me like nobody else.

"Shit, Nat. What do I do now? I don't know how I feel about Raven. I can't promise her anything. What was I thinking by asking her to move in first place, much less getting offended when she said no?" All my anger had flown from me and I felt small, sad, and confused. I'm a guy; we're not supposed to have to deal with all this emotional crap.

"Clint, don't beat yourself up. You've never really been in love before and you are going to make mistakes. Raven has an advantage on you. She was married before and from what I've found, it was a wonderful loving marriage." Nat soothed. She was the best at knowing what to say when.

"What you've found?" I asked. I knew I'd told Nat a lot about Raven, but that sounded like she'd been doing some research of her own.

"I've been investigating Raven in anticipation of getting to meet her. I wanted to be prepared so that I could protect you. It's what I do Clint, you know that." She said.

"I know," I replied. Suddenly I felt very tired, I was tired of fighting the things I'd started to feel for Raven. It was fight I hadn't even realized I'd been fighting and I was exhausted. "What did you find?"

"Are sure you want to know? You didn't want it to taint your relationship before." She asked.

"Is it that bad?" I sighed.

Nat gave one of her rare laughs and replied, "Would that make a difference?"

I dropped my head in my hands and said, "I am so screwed. No, it wouldn't. I want to know, but I'm still going to find a way to apologize. I don't care what she's done. I know who she is with me and I want that."

Nat leaned in and gave me a sweet kiss, "She's a very lucky woman, and you're an extremely lucky man. You don't deserve her. Raven is exactly what she seems to be. She is exactly the woman you need in your life. She's not perfect. Apparently she does have a temper. I have a feeling that you're about to find that out. She hates to do laundry, doesn't dust, and can be a bit lazy. Most people who get to know her like her and quite a few adore her. She is shy so those who don't know her think she's a snob."

I sat back in the sofa and leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "Well, double shit. I've got to fix things. Think flowers would do it?"

I heard Nat snort and laugh again. "You're going to have to get a bit more creative than that. "

"I know, but first I need to make a phone call and prepare to grovel and beg. " I whined as I got up to leave Nat's apartment. "Thanks for knocking my head on straight, again." I gave Nat and hug and headed to my place.

As I walked into my apartment, it was as if I was looking at it with different eyes. I tried to see what Raven would have seen if she'd actually said yes to my proposition. It wasn't very pretty. My apartment most closely resembled a really nice hotel suite. Pepper had decorated everyone's apartments for them before we officially moved in to the Tower. She did a great job of nailing everyone's personal style. Natasha's apartment was sleek and modern with rich colors and smooth lines. Thor's looked like it was taken from a Viking castle. Cap's was totally retro 40's so that he was in familiar surroundings. Nat and I had gotten him a big screen HD TV which he insisted on watching old black and white movies on but it was a bit of a modern touch. Stark's apartment was the epitome of modern with lots of steel and glass. Nobody knew where Fury's apartment was or if he even slept or ate. My apartment was the only one without any distinct personality. I hadn't realized that until now.

I'd left my phone in my apartment when I went out so expected that I would have a text or two when I got back. I figured that Raven would have tried to call and then when I didn't answer would send me a nasty text or two. I was wrong…again. I seemed to be getting in the habit of being wrong. There was one text on my phone and it said only two words, "I'm sorry."

My heart sank to my shoes and dread washed over me. Maybe I'd hurt her more than I'd thought. Maybe she wouldn't forgive me. I didn't know how to deal with this. Anger I could handle, but sorrow, disappointment, tears, those I never knew what to do about. Slowly, I dialed Raven's number. I had it saved, but I needed the time to prepare myself for what I knew was going to be a really difficult conversation.

When Raven answered the phone, her voice was husky and I knew instinctively that she'd been crying. I hated that I'd been the one to make her cry. "Hello?" was all she said.

I'd somewhat prepared a speech in my mind, but it got thrown out and I said the first thing that came to my mind. "I love you and I'm sorry." As the words came out of my mouth, I realized for the first time how true they were. When had it happened? This wasn't how I'd expected love to happen. Love wasn't supposed to sneak up on you.

"I should never have behaved the way I did. I treated you cheaply and behaved cruelly when you responded. I would like to have you with me all the time, but if you gave up your life to sit at my beck and call, you wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with." I couldn't believe how easy it was to tell Raven all these things now that I'd finally faced them and said those first 3 words.

"It's okay," was all she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I understand and it's okay. No worries, hun." She explained. The words were right, but the tone was off. Something was wrong. She sounded defeated. My mind scrabbled to find something to say to bring the life and joy back. I wanted her to sound like the Raven I knew.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm just tired. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I need to get ready for work," was the response I got. "I'll text you when I get on the floor. I do love you."

After Raven had hung up, I sat down and looked at my phone. Things just weren't right. I needed to see her, to touch her, to make things right, but she was working tonight and the next mission was supposed to start the day after. An idea formed in my head, but I'd never turned down a mission before. I'd never even considered the option. Maybe it was time I did. I was still mulling over my options when my phone dinged with a received text.

"Floor closed tonight. House gave me night off since it's my last before vacation. Heading home. Text when I get there."

That was the sign I needed. Raven had taken a few extra days off to go to a bike rally with some friends. She'd invited me, but I'd said I couldn't since I had a mission coming. I was also hesitant to meet her friends; there was a commitment to that that I hadn't wanted to face. It was time that I did.

I suddenly struck by the fact that I was making all these decisions on the basis of 4 face-to-face meetings and several months of telephone and text conversations. In some people that would have been a perfect reason to slow down and step back, but for me, it was reassuring. I'm a seat-of-the-pants type guy. I rely on my instincts and tend to be pretty impetuous. My personality hasn't always made things easy on me, but I've had more good things happen than bad. The fact that I was jumping in feet first was in many ways the most like me thing I could do.

First, I called Fury and informed him that I wasn't going to be available for the next mission and that I wanted to slow down on the number of missions that I took. He actually didn't seem surprised. In fact, he asked me if it had something to do with the woman that I was seeing. I told him yes and he congratulated me on finally getting a life outside of SHIELD.

Next, I called Nat and told her all my plans. She was pretty surprised at how easily it appeared I'd been forgiven. She agreed that I needed to do something dramatic to show Raven that I was serious. I asked her about coming to stay at Raven's for a couple of days and she said that she'd take time after this coming mission and do that. She also wished me luck. Nat told me that I seemed happier now than I had since even before the Loki incident and that she was somewhat jealous. She hoped that it would keep working out.

The next step in my plan required that I buy a new bike. Raven and I had talked at length about why she would not ride on the crotch rocket. She had told me in no uncertain terms exactly what she required on a bike before she would get on the back of it with somebody. She had told me that from what she'd seen, she wouldn't have a problem riding behind me if I ever actually got a "grown-up bike" as she called it. My only problem was that it was now 10 o'clock at night so all the dealerships were closed, and I didn't have the contacts to get what I needed.

Finally in desperation, I called Tony. Tony is arrogant and can be a complete ass, but if he decides he likes you, he'll do just about anything for you. Tony loves Pepper almost as much as he loves himself. If she likes you, Tony will do anything she asks him to do. I consider them both friends; at least as much as l do anyone except Nat. I have an issue with trust. When I called Tony and told him my situation, with only a little encouragement from Pepper, he made a few phone calls and pulled some strings. By the time I got to the base near Raven's house, the perfect bike was waiting for me.

The bike is a gorgeous Harley-Davidson cruiser fully decked out for both driver and passenger comfort. It was exactly what I needed to show Raven I was ready to commit. Raven had told me before that she could look at the guy's bike and tell who the most important person in his life was; himself or his girlfriend. I knew when she looked at this bike she'd understand that I was trying to say.

It was now around 6 o'clock the morning. Raven and told me that the group was planning to leave for the rally the next day. She'd asked for extra days off to get packed and unpacked so had just over a week off in total. I'd figured that gave Raven and I 24 hours to work things out between the two of us and get packed for the trip. We didn't actually need that much time, but we sure made use of it. I wanted to surprise Raven so I didn't call but simply rode the bike over. As I pulled in the drive, the dogs came bounding out to greet me. They seemed to remember me from the one visit I'd made. I scratched and petted on them until Raven came out to investigate. She saw the bike first and got a puzzled look on her face. I could tell she was trying to figure out whose bike this was. When she looked around and saw that it was me, the surprise was evident. The smile on her face made it clear to me that she truly had forgiven me, but was thrilled at my visit. She came over immediately and wrapped her arms around my neck. In between kisses, she said, "I can't believe you're here. This is the most wonderful thing you could do. It is so sweet. What happened to your bike?"

I turned Raven around until she was facing the bike. "Look at the bike, sweetheart. My other bike is in New York. I don't think I'll be riding it very much anymore."

I could feel her sharp intake of breath when she finally realized exactly what she was looking at. "Clint, really? You did this for us? For me?" She turned around and I could see tears running down her face. "I never would've expected this. I never would've asked for it. You've made me so happy. Thank you."

"Well," I said. "That's not quite all. I've taken off the next week to go with you the rally. Will you ride with me?"

I don't think I'd ever seen a more beautiful smile when she said, "Whenever, wherever, and for however long you want me to. Oh and by the way, I gave my two week notice at the hospital. I start the new job in about a month. I'll only be working a couple days a week and I can easily come home between every shift."

"Raven, sweetheart, you do whatever you need to do and we'll work it out. I promise," I said before focusing on satisfying both of us in a way we hadn't been in months. I knew the next week wasn't going to be the easiest and that meeting Raven's friends could be pretty awkward. All of her friends had also been friends with her husband. I knew they were going to compare me to him and test me to make sure I wasn't going to hurt her. I was prepared for the worst; luckily it didn't come to that.


	10. Chapter 10 - The Change - Raven

6

When I read Clint's note, I felt a huge rush of relief and excitement. It would have been so easy to give in to my inner teenage girl and start texting and obsessing, but thankfully I was mature enough to see what a disaster that would have been. Clint had some definite trust issues and commitment was not something he was ready for. Honestly, neither was I. My husband had died just over a year ago and while I wasn't mourning for him, I wasn't ready to get married again either. I've always been the pragmatic type. I know I will always love and miss my husband, but nothing I do will ever bring him back. He died doing a job that he loved and he took very good care of me both while he was alive and afterwards. He would want me to live my life absolutely as full as possible and that's what I planned to do. However, I was not going to jump into my next marriage on a whim. I planned on my next marriage lasting at least as long as my first and I was definitely skeptical that Clint had the heart for that. That didn't mean I wasn't going to put an effort into a relationship with Clint. He had been my fantasy man for too long. It just meant that I wasn't going to be looking for a marriage proposal anytime soon.

I impatiently waited to hear from Clint. By the time his text came in that afternoon, I was a total wreck. I was so tempted to respond as I would have with my husband. He and I had texted constantly, and I had told him everything as he did me. I realized quickly how easy it would be to treat Clint as I did my husband. I knew that would be wrong. They were very much alike, but I had to have a unique relationship with Clint separate totally from the one I had with my husband. I knew the fastest way to chase Clint off would be to chase him. He needed someone to be quietly there for him. Of course, the balance would be in trying to be there when I wasn't actually there without being a pest.

I responded in what I considered a mature caring way without being too clingy, "Stay safe. Slept great. Thanks for the night. Text when you can."

His response of,"Will do," was exactly what I had expected. I spent some time thinking carefully about what I was going to do next. I figured that if I texted Clint once a day in a friendly manner it would keep me in his mind without being annoying. At first, it didn't seem to be working. I never heard from Clint unless I texted first and even then it was only short responses to my texts. He'd send. "You too" when I said," Have a good day!" or "Always!"when I sent a "Be safe." I worked hard to keep from pushing or giving in to disappointment at what appeared to be a lack of effort on his part.

After a couple of weeks, I noticed that if I accidently skipped a day that Clint would text me to make sure I was alright. I was really tempted to skip a day here and there just to test Clint, but I mostly controlled myself. I can't honestly say that I never forgot accidently/on-purpose, but it wasn't something I planned. I try not to be that devious or manipulative, but I'm not perfect.

Things definitely took a turn for the better during Clint and Nat's mission. Apparently, Clint had gotten bored and decided to wander Facebook. He found my Facebook page and sent me a friend request. I didn't realize it at the time. He was using an alias so to speak, but I accept all friend requests until I have time to investigate. Clint sent me a text telling me what he had done and it sparked the first of many long conversations.

Once Clint and Nat got back to New York, Clint texted to see if I was free for a visit. I wished that I was available, but I had to work. I invited Clint to come when I was off work, but he was already going to be prepping for a new mission. This became a pattern that persisted for several months. I could tell that Clint was getting increasingly frustrated. I was getting that way myself. I'd accepted the relief of a battery operated friend before meeting Clint, but frankly nothing compares to a real man. After being with Clint, Silicone Sam just wasn't doing anything for me, but making me more dissatisfied. Something needed to change, but I wasn't sure what or how. I'd been offered a job at a different hospital that would allow me to stay at home between shifts. I'd had the opportunity before, but turned it down. At the time, I was still mourning my husband and the extra days home without him were devastating. Now, I was hoping that maybe having Clint there at times would make it easier or that I was healed enough to handle it.

We had started calling to talk to each other at least once a week. I loved hearing his voice. It soothed something inside of me that doubted he was real. During one conversation he was talking about how much he missed me and how frustrated he was sexually. Not really thinking, I said, "If I'm not there to take care of you, and you find somebody you like, I would understand." My husband and I had had a very unique and open relationship and I hadn't even thought how Clint would react.

"You wouldn't consider that cheating?" he asked.

"Well, we aren't married. In fact, neither of us has made any sort of commitment to the other one. That means that we are free to do as we wish with other people. Now, that doesn't mean I'm screwing around, that's not my way. What it means, is that I don't expect you to be faithful to me. I do expect you to be honest. If you do find somebody that you are with, then I would expect you to tell me. If you lied to me or didn't tell me, I would consider that cheating. As long as you're honest with me and yourself, I don't have an issue." I explained.

"You mean you wouldn't care?" Clint asked. I could tell that I'd totally confused him. It was so hard to explain to people that I cared more about trust, honesty, and commitment than I did a traditional definition of faithfulness. I knew too many people who were traditionally faithful to their spouse that regularly lied, deceived, cheated in other ways to put much faith in whether or not they actually had sex with another person.

"Hell, Yeah I'd care." I should have expected that question, but it still kind of pissed me of. Did he honestly think I wouldn't care? "I would care a lot. In fact, I'd probably hate it. The truth is I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, but you are there and I'm here. We don't know when or if ever that will change. So, we may have to have an unconventional relationship." I gritted out. I was surprised at myself for how upset this whole conversation was making me and the fact I'd just declared my love. That was totally not how I'd planned things. You just don't tell someone you love them for the first time in the middle of an emotional discussion. Now, Clint would think I was trying to pressure him to make some sort of commitment. I was tempted to bang my head on the wall, but figured the sound would carry through the phone.

I was relieved and surprised when Clint said in a dry tone of voice, "That is probably the most mature unselfish thing I've ever heard a woman say about a relationship. It is probably also the biggest load of crap."

"Which part?" I laughed. "I meant every word that I said." Clint was the first man I'd ever met that would call me on stuff like that. I knew that what I said, how I wanted to feel, and how I actually felt wouldn't quite match up, but I was good at hiding it if I needed to. At least I was from 99% of people. Clint saw through me every time.

"I'm sure you did." Clint said. "But, if I take you up on the offer to find another woman, it would change things. We haven't reached the point in a relationship that is something that's even an option. However, it does make me wonder if you have somebody else."

I couldn't help the snicker that slipped out, "Honey, between talking and texting with you, work, and the horses. I don't have time for somebody else. In all honesty, I'm not looking. I hope that doesn't put too much pressure on you. I haven't wanted to push the issue or ask for a commitment when we haven't even seen each other since our first time together." I should have known that Clint would think I had someone else. His trust issues might make things difficult at times for us. I learned a long time ago that trust is easy to lose and impossible to earn. Clint would have to give me his trust. I wasn't going to work for it.

"Well, then it seems like something needs to change." Clint said, "Have you considered moving to New York?"

I was totally stunned. I had thought about the possibility of moving to New York if Clint ever asked me, but knew I could never do it. My home was here and my life was too. I desperately wanted Clint in my life, but I couldn't just drop everything I had here for him. I had tried living in San Antonio when I was younger and I'd hated it. New York would be 10x worse. I asked, "Are you asking me to move to New York with you?" Maybe I'd heard wrong. I explained, "I really don't know what to say. There is a part of me that wants to pack a bag and come up there today, but the reality is I'm not 21. I have a life, a career, and a home here. I can't just pack up and leave. I was afraid that this would become a problem. I just I just didn't expect it so soon."

"How about you come and stay at my house between missions?" I asked slowly. It was what I had been asking him to do for the last couple months, but maybe he didn't realize that I meant for it to be his home even when I wasn't there.

"But you're not there much of the time," he responded. Obviously, I was right about him not wanting to come unless I was there.

"Well, how about if I was?" I asked. "I got a job offer from a hospital near where I live. Part of the reason I work so far from home is because it is so hard being alone in that empty house. If I knew you were going to be there at least part of the time it would be a lot easier. You don't have to completely move-in and get rid of your New York apartment, but it could be a second home."

"You would change jobs just to spend time with me?" he questioned.

"Yes, that's the least I can do. I wish I could do more but my life is here. I just can't give up my life to sit on the edge of yours waiting for when you come home." I replied a bit shortly.

"Isn't that what you're asking me to do?" He snapped.

I tried to remain calm, but panic and anger were starting to overwhelm me. "I don't think so. I'm not asking you to give up your job. I'm not asking you to give up your friends. I'm not even asking you to give up your apartment. When you asked me to come live with you, did you even think about my horses, my dogs? What did you think I would do with them? I'm just asking you to come stay sometimes. Bring Natasha with you. I don't have the trailer out there for nothing." I could hear tears and frustration in her voice.

"Trailer, what trailer?" Clint questioned. _Really?_ I thought. _Out of everything I said he picked up on the stinking trailer._

I took a deep breath and said, "There is a travel trailer and a horse trailer with living quarters parked on the backside of the house. You might not have seen it. The travel trailer I keep specifically for guests to stay in. They're both really nice or she can camp out on the couch. I would offer her a spot in the bed but I don't know how that would go over." I tried to laugh and make it a joke, but it came out really weak. I wasn't sure where we were going with this conversation, but it didn't seem like anyplace good.

"I don't know what to say. Are you serious? I think I need to think about this. I'll talk to you later." Clint said and then hung up abruptly.

I sat looking at the phone for a long time. I couldn't believe what had just happened. What had just gone wrong? I didn't think I'd done or said anything to deserve such a complete change in Clint's attitude. But what if I had? The whole emotion of the conversation overwhelmed me and I burst in to tears. I sat there holding my phone and wondering if I'd ever hear from Clint again. I tried to call, but it went to voice mail. Apparently he didn't want to talk to me. I knew there was really nothing that I could or would do differently, but I was dismayed that I may have destroyed what appeared to be the beginnings of a wonderful relationship. I texted Clint a simple, "I'm sorry." I couldn't have said what exactly I was sorry for because I wasn't sure what I had done wrong, but whatever it was, I was sorry. I was sorry that I couldn't be the woman who would drop everything and wait for him to call. I'd never been that biddable before, but at times it would have been easier.

After what seemed forever, I got up and headed up to my bed. I had to work tonight and I had just enough time for a short nap before I had to get ready. I was working an odd shift to help out the floor since we were short handed. I figured that since I was taking a week off starting tomorrow I could afford to be nice. I lay on the bed and tried to relax and rest, but my mind kept going over and over the conversation with Clint. Each time, when he hung up, tears would start running down my face. I was hurt by the distrust he'd shown, the lack of respect for me and my life, and sheer rudeness of his responses. I wanted to be furious with him. I wanted to write him off in a fit of rage and just throw him out of my heart and my life, but I'd never been that kind of person. Already, I was just waiting for him to call. Praying that he would let me know everything was ok. I could understand why he would behave the way he did. I felt small and weak that I would be so willing to let go of my pride and let him get away with his attitude. I also knew that the only thing pride ever got me was an empty cold bed. I could forgive and forget, but first he had to call.

Finally my alarm rang and I dragged myself towards the bathroom. I felt exhausted mentally and emotionally. I really didn't know how I was going to make it through the upcoming shift. When the phone rang I was tempted to just let it go to voice mail, but instead I answered.

"Hello?" was all I could choke out. All the tears and emotion had settled in my throat and it felt raw and swollen.

I hadn't looked to see who was calling so was surprised when Clint's voice said, "I love you and I'm sorry. I should never have behaved the way I did. I treated you cheaply and behaved cruelly when you responded. I would like to have you with me all the time, but if you gave up your life to sit at my beck and call, you wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with."

I felt my knees buckle as all the tension I'd been holding on to rushed out in one breath. I was so relieved and thankful that all I could say was, "It's okay."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I understand and it's okay. No worries, hun." i explained. Now that the tension and fear had left me, I felt so very tired. My emotions were drained and with them my energy. I was suddenly felt exhausted and empty and it showed in my voice.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm just tired. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I need to get ready for work," was all I could say. "I'll text you when I get on the floor. I do love you." I didn't want Clint to beat himself up over me. I was glad that we'd made up and that things could go back to what they were, but I was upset that we hadn't made any decisions for the future. That meant there was most likely another fight looming in the future when frustration hit again. I wasn't sure that I could handle this relationship.

I got cleaned up and headed towards the hospital in my car. I was about halfway there when I got the phone call that I was being put on call for the night. I talked the supervisor in to letting me have the night off instead and turned around for home. As I drove back, I realized how tired I was of so many things in my life. I worked because I wanted to not because I had to and I didn't want to work at the hospital I was at anymore. I realized that I wanted more time off and a job closer to my home. Maybe those things would allow me more time with Clint, but even if not, it was time for a change.

I sent Clint a quick text, "Floor closed tonight. House gave me night off since it's my last before vacation. Heading home. Text when I get there."

He replied with a simple, "Ok."

Once I home, I let him know and then started making some phone calls. I called the hospital that had offered me a job and left a message for the supervisor that I accept and when I could start. I composed a resignation email to my current boss and sent it to her. I felt such peace at what I was doing that I knew I had made the right decision. Then, I poured myself a large glass of wine and went to bed.

The next morning, I was awakened at 7:00 by the dogs jumping off the bed and running out the backdoor barking like fiends. I was used to their spontaneous bark fests so rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. After a few minutes, when they hadn't come back upstairs, I became a bit concerned. I slid out of the bed and went to look for them. As I came out of the house I noticed a beautiful Harley-Davidson cruiser sitting in front of the garage doors. I didn't recognize this particular bike but immediately fell in love with it. It reminded me of the one I always rode with my husband.

I was distracted from looking at the bike closely when I saw Clint petting the dogs. No wonder they hadn't come back in. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of surprise and joy. I ran over as fast as my bare feet could carry me and wrapped my arms around his neck. In between kisses, I said, "I can't believe you're here. This is the most wonderful thing you could do. It is so sweet. What happened to your bike?"

Clint gently turned me around until I was facing the bike again. "Look at the bike, sweetheart. My other bike is in New York. I don't think I'll be riding it very much anymore."

I was puzzled by what he was wanting me to see him, but focus my attention on the bike. When it hit me, it took my breath away. The bike was everything I had ever told Clint I wanted on a bike that I was willing to ride back seat on. It was the perfect couple bike and showed that he was thinking about me and in my comfort not just himself. My chest felt tight and I could feel tears starting to run down my face as I said, "Clint, really? You did this for us? For me?"

I turned around so that I could see Clint's face. "I never would've expected this. I never would've asked for it. You've made me so happy. Thank you."

"Well," he said, "that's not quite all. I've taken off the next week to go with you the rally. Will you ride with me?"

I tried to show all the joy that I was feeling when I said, "Whenever, wherever, and for however long you want me to. Oh and by the way, I gave my two week notice at the hospital. I start the new job in about a month. I'll only be working a couple days a week and I can easily come home between every shift." I hoped that he would see that this is my way of trying to compromise. I pushed away the faint feelings of panic that rose up over the idea of making a commitment to Clint and at introducing him to my friends. All my friends had been friends with my husband also and they were very protective of me, I hadn't introduced them to anyone that I'd been seeing before. I knew they would understand the significance and test Clint to see if he was worthy of me. It could make for very interesting week.

"Raven, sweetheart, you do whatever you need to do and we'll work it out. I promise," Clint said before focusing on satisfying both of us in a way we hadn't been in months.


	11. Chapter 11 - The Trip - Raven

Once Clint and I had spent some time in bed getting reacquainted, we started preparing for the trip. I was more than a little concerned at how my friends would react to Clint and how Clint would react to my friends. I told Clint I needed to let everybody know what was going on. The group was made up of four couples and my. We had all known each other for years. I sent a quick text out to let everybody know that I was bringing a friend. That's when the phone calls and texts started.

First, Ginger called. I had expected her to be the first. She and Mark with the ones I was closest to. Ginger is a tiny little redhead fireball and Mark a six-foot cowboy. They have always taken very good care of me. I explained in Ginger that my friend was a man and yes, I would be riding on his bike. I also told her that he would be sharing my room. Ginger tried to pump me for more information but I told her she would have to make her own opinion when she met Clint.

Second, Matt called. His wife, Emily, is the quieter shy one of the pair and tended not to call. They like Mark and Ginger where a bit of a height contrast. Matt closely resembled Shaggy from Scooby Doo while Emily would remind you of the 60s flower child. I called them my NASCAR hippies.

The last couple I heard from was Sandra and Joe, Sandra just texted. Joe and Sandra are the well matched couple and are classic bikers. They also tended to be the ones who stayed out of your business the most and yet were with the most supportive whenever you needed them.

The fourth couple of our group was Liz and Richard. I didn't expect to hear from them. They were notoriously out of touch and tended to get lost in their own world. While Joe and Sandra were extremely well matched, Liz and Richard at times seemed to be almost clones of each other.

In between each call and after Sandra's text, I explained to Clint who each of these people were and gave him a basic idea of their personalities. I wanted him to be prepared for meeting them, but to keep an open mind and form his own opinion. The one thing that I did explain in great detail was the attitude of the group. I explained to him that the other couples in the group regularly swapped partners and not to be surprised at anything he saw. I explained to Clint that I did not participate in any of the swaps and hadn't for years. I could tell he wanted to question me about the past until I reminded him it was long before we ever met and not something we needed to discuss. I let him know that I did not expect him to participate in anything he was uncomfortable with, but l wouldn't accept him getting jealous of the friendship and love that my friends showed me. Clint seemed a bit disturbed by the situation, but told me that he would do his best to be understanding. I knew that that was the best that I could expect and it might take some time for him to be comfortable with how familiar and relaxed I was with my friends. In a way, I was sorry for springing all of this Clint, but trust is a big thing for me. I needed to find out if he could trust me. I knew that I would trust him until he gave me a reason not to, but I had a feeling that he tended to make people earn his trust. That wouldn't work.

I was starting to regret having asked Clint to come on the trip. When I'd invited him, I'd been relatively sure that he would say no and I hadn't thought much about how an outsider might interpret our group. Now that the trip was reality and Clint was coming with me, I was getting very very nervous.

The actual packing wasn't difficult. I'd been packing for road trips it for many years. This trip we were staying in hotels so there wasn't any camping stuff that needed to be packed. All that was needed were plenty of clothes to cover whatever weather we may run into or places we may want to go. Each of us also always packed a cooler full of water sodas and of course alcohol.

On the day we were scheduled to leave, we headed over to Mark and Ginger's. I warned Clint that even though we were supposed to meet at 8 o'clock and leave by 9 o'clock it was more likely we wouldn't be leaving till 10 or 11. I knew that was because of two reasons. The first reason was that everyone would want to be introduced to Clint and feel him out a bit. The second reason was because Ginger was never ever ready on time.

When we got to Mark and Ginger's, as I expected, Ginger was not anywhere close to ready. Matt and Emily were already there. Sandra and Joe hadn't made it yet and nobody had heard from Liz and Richard which was about normal. I had asked Clint prior to our arrival if he wanted me to introduce him as Clint Barton or if he had a different name he preferred. I was pleased when he told me to introduce them by his real name. Ginger gave me and Clint very speculative look when I introduced them before giving me a big hug and kiss. Mark didn't say anything but shook Clint's hand and asked about his bike. As the boys wandered over to discuss the bike and compare notes, I knew Mark was really trying to make sure that Clint knew what he was doing before trusting that it was safe for me to ride with him. Matt joined Mark and Clint while Emily came over to where Ginger and I were and gave me a greeting hug and kiss. Mark introduced Matt and Clint. It wasn't long before they were all three chatting and discussing Harley's and engines. Quite frankly, I couldn't understand the conversation nor did I want to. I was just pleased that they all seem to be getting along.

Emily and I were helping Ginger to finish packing. Once we were out of hearing range, the question started. Ginger wanted to know anything and everything that she could possibly get out of me. I skillfully evaded most of Ginger's questions. She could be a bit nosey and if she wanted to know something about Clint, she could ask him. I knew that she would too. Emily stayed her normal quite self, except to ask sweetly, "Doesn't he look a lot like the guy they call "Hawkeye" in the Avengers? What is his name, Raven? You're the one who had the big crush on him."

I had hoped that I could avoid this conversation for maybe forever, but I knew that my luck was not that good. I had however expected to have at least a day or two. I looked down at my boots and mumbled, "Clint Barton." I wasn't ashamed of who Clint was, but knew I didn't deserve such a famous boyfriend and I didn't want to hear the comments that would confirm it.

Ginger can hear a cricket fart, so my weak attempt at muffling my response was met with, "Raven, are you saying that that IS Hawkeye?"

"Yes. Let's not make a big deal of it. Please?" I begged. My plea was met with 2 squeals and I was almost smothered with hugs from both women.

"Raven! Why didn't you tell us you had met him? That is the most wonderful thing. I am so happy for you. He is perfect for you. It's about time you found another guy as awesome as Paul," said Ginger.

"You deserve a hero, Raven. He's a lucky guy he found you," was Emily.

All my doubts came pouring out as their support wrapped around me, "You don't think I'm rushing in to anything? Paul's only been gone 18 months. Besides, he's a superhero. What could he see in me?"

"Raven! You know how any times I've been married. You've been ready for someone new for almost a year and that has nothing to do with how much you love Paul. It has everything to do with the fact that you are a passionate woman who needs someone to share her life with. As far as the other bullshit you were just spouting, I won't dignify that with a comment," came from Ginger.

Emily simply gave me a hug and said, "Paul would be happy for you. You deserve only the best! If any of us could snag a superhero, it would be you."

That had me laughing, "Thanks, guys. He really is incredible. You'll see."

Ginger looked a bit concerned, "Raven, does he know about all of us?"

That was when it occurred to me that I hadn't gotten my usual hugs and kisses from everyone. I had been distracted by making sure that Clint was okay. "You know," I said. "I just realized I haven't gotten my hugs and kisses from the guys! I think I need to go fix that. If there is going to a problem, we might as well find out now."

I strolled determinedly over to where the men had huddled. "Oh, Mark, I think you forgot something this morning."

Mark looked at me and asked, "What?"

"I have not gotten my hug and kiss! Don't you love me anymore? You too, Matt!" I scolded teasingly.

Mark laughed and wrapping me in his arms picked me off the ground in a big hug followed by a very through kiss. When he let go, Matt was there to give a gentler but just as through version with a silly dip at the end. I couldn't hold back a giggle at their theatrics. When I turned towards Clint, I expected to see anger, jealousy, and large dose of suspicion. What I got was a wicked grin as Clint winked at the guys and proceeded to sweep me into his arms and kiss me until my eyes crossed and my knees buckled. When Clint set me back on my feet, I swayed into him and had to hold grab his shirt for support.

I could hear applause and whistles behind me and with a blush and giggle I leaned my head on Clint's chest. "Wow, hun! Not sure where that came from, but Wow! Can we do it again sometime?"

Clint laughed and said, "I didn't want you to think I didn't love you anymore because you hadn't gotten a kiss and hug from me."

That got a laugh from everyone and as I turned back towards the group, I saw the admiration and acceptance that I was hoping for. Clint's reaction to our silliness had gotten him the respect of the men. I knew Matt and Mark had gone a bit over-the-top compared to the usual hug and kiss just to test what Clint would do. He had impressed everyone including me. Things were starting to look up. I began to walk away towards the girls, but Clint held my hand and pulled me back. I looked up at him and asked, "What? I'm going to help Ginger pack."

"Stay here with me for a minute," he said softly. I looked closely at his face trying to figure out what was going on. "I'll explain later when we're alone."

I squeezed his hand gently and let go. The look on his face was momentarily hurt until he realized I wasn't leaving, but simply moving so that I was sitting on the bike next to him. I waited while the guys resumed their talk and Ginger finished her packing.

Right as Ginger finished, we heard the familiar sound of Sandra and Joe's bike. Hugs and kisses were given all around and I introduced Clint. Once that was done, we started the inevitable discussion of how long to wait for Liz and Richard. Nobody had heard from them for a couple of weeks, but that was pretty typical of them. Liz and Richard tended to live in their own little world. As a group, we nominated Ginger for the task of tracking them down and finding out if they were coming or not. None of us were truly shocked when it turned out that they'd decided to go on a totally different trip and had forgotten to tell anyone.

We all grumbled good naturedly at their irresponsibility and prepared to leave. Mark had the directions so he was lead. Paul had always rode in second with Matt and Joe following. When I rode with the guys, they had always put me in Paul's position for safety. It just seemed natural for Clint to slip into that position also. In a relatively short time, we headed out on the road.

We finally arrived at our destination that evening about 10pm. What should have been a 5 hour ride had ended up being almost 12 hours. It was fairly typical of our group. Mark had managed to get us lost once, but we expected that of him. We all called it his version of making sure we got to go on the most scenic route. We'd stopped for gas 3 times, had 2 nice meals, and an even half dozen stops for shopping. The rally was being help in a small town in west Texas and we were staying at a lifestyle friendly resort. We had reserved a large cabin with 4 bedrooms and a central living area. I'd always gotten the biggest bedroom with a private bath since I spent the most time alone and needed a place to go when they were all playing together. The other's had taken the three smaller rooms and left the master for me and Clint. We grabbed the most essential of our things off the bike and headed to our room. I immediately starting stripping down to get in the shower and wash the road grime off. I'd completely forgotten that Clint had something to tell me. I don't hold onto things and the day had gone so well that it totally slipped my mind.

I was headed in to the bathroom when Clint said, "Raven, we need to talk."

Those are always words to chill a girl's heart. My first thought was,_ Shit! How am I going to get home?_ I managed to stay calm as I turned towards him. I was still wearing my bra and panties, but felt totally naked. "What's up?" I said trying desperately for a light cheerfulness. It fell totally flat.

Clint sat down on the end of the bed and cocking his head said, "Come here and sit down. I have a couple questions."

I went slowly to Clint and sat down next to him. He looked at me and said softly, "Don't be worried. I told you we'd work things out. Trust me."

I took a deep breath and said, "I know, but I worry. It's what I do. What did you want to ask me?"

"Well," he started. "First, is that how the guys always tell you hello? Because I'll admit it that it bothered me a lot. I just found you and I'm not sure I want to share. Second, why don't you ever say your husband Paul's name? Lastly, do you know how awesome you are and how truly amazing your friends are?"

I laughed a little at the last question, but the first two had thrown me. "Yes, the guys always give me great kisses when we say hello. My husband didn't really like kissing, but I adore it. They made sure I got my fair share so that I was content. I don't know if I can or want to change that. I hope you can accept it. That is as far as things go. There was a time when we were more intimate, but that was 5 or 6 years ago. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to share with anyone else anymore and that's the way it's been since. They tried to take care of me after my husband died, but I kind of went off on my own for a bit. "

"Your husband? Paul?" he prompted."Raven, talk to me. Can't you say his name?"

"Yes, I can say his name. My hus…. Paul had a somewhat dangerous job and didn't want everyone to know that I was his wife. He worried it would put me in danger. I started just referring to him as "my husband" to patients and it just became habit. After Paul died, anyone I dated didn't appreciate me referring to Paul by name. It was intimidating I was told. I guess, it was also easier on me."

"What did Paul do? How'd he die?" Clint asked.

We were getting a bit off topic, but I figured that Clint would want to know sometime. "Paul was a corrections officer. He was helping out at a facility in the dessert when it collapsed. It was just before the Loki incident in New York."

Clint's face turned white as a sheet and he looked like someone had gut shot him. It totally surprised me. I put my hand on his shoulder and said,"Clint, are you alright? What's wrong?"

He shook his head and said, "Nothing. Don't worry about it. You still haven't answered my third question. Do you know how awesome you are and how truly amazing your friends are?"

I was puzzled by the way he'd acted, but decided to let it go. I'd learned that sometimes it was best to just let guys sort things out on their own. It wasn't always easy to do and occasionally I reverted into a nag, but tonight I was too tired and I really wanted this conversation to be over. "I'm glad you think I'm awesome," I said. "Yes, I know how amazing my friends are, but why do you think they are?"

Clint rolled his eyes at my first comment, "You are too humble, Raven, but we'll work on that later. As for your friends, I've never met a more open friendly group. They are all so nonjudgmental, but they do protect you. I was quite thoroughly, but subtly warned by each of the guys and not very subtly by Ginger that if I hurt you there wouldn't be enough of me left over for identification. I really like them. I think they could be friends. I don't have many of those."

I smiled and leaned in close, "Guess what? " I whispered." You do now."

Clint looked startled before shaking his head and grinning like a little boy. "Go get your shower," he said. "I'll be right behind you."

I shrugged to myself and headed to the shower. That hadn't been the painful conversation I'd expected.

While I was in the shower, Clint joined me and we ran out the hot water checking with hands and mouths that the other one was clean before heading to bed.

Everyone finally rolled out of bed around 11 am the next day. The girls had already planned to spend the day shopping while the guys escorted us. Actually, what the guys did was bar hop as we store hopped. Everyone was happy. Though, I think the boys were happier than we were, but that could've been the liquor. Finally around 5, we were tired, hungry, and footsore. We'd known that the boys would be drinking so we'd walked downtown instead of taking the bikes. After a good dinner, we decided to spring for a cab and we all headed back up to the cabin. There was a lifestyle party going on in the resort club, so the other couples got dressed and headed out. Clint had asked me if I wanted to go. I'd originally planned to go, but looking at Clint I realized I wanted to stay in with him. We cuddled in bed watching TV and talking.

Clint told me he'd thought about what I'd told him last night and had made some decisions. I was pretty sleepy by then and so didn't freak out like I normally would have. I just mumbled, "What did you decide?"

"I want you to refer to your husband as Paul when you talk about him to me. Everytime. I can accept you and your friend's affection, but I want a kiss from you for every one of theirs," he said.

I was rapidly falling asleep, but heard what Clint said and understood how much respect he had to have for me and how much trust. I was cuddled under his arm with my head on his chest, but I stretched up and gave him a kiss. "Thank you, I won't betray your trust," were the only words that seemed appropriate.

He gave me a light squeeze and I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I woke to an empty bed. I was surprised at how quickly I'd grown used to Clint being in the bed with me. It felt empty without him. Of course, I also didn't have the dogs to crowd me and steal the covers so that made a difference. That reminded me that I needed to call and check up on my house sitter so I rolled out of the bed and put on my robe. I dialed the sitter's number and while we talked I wandered down the hall into the living room and then the kitchen. I used to drive Paul crazy walking around the house while I talked on the phone. He couldn't understand why I couldn't just stay in one place. I was starting to get curious about where Clint had gone to when I looked out the front window and saw him talking on his phone also. He was sitting on the swing that was on front porch. I finished my call and headed out to join him. As I stepped out the door, I heard him say, "I know Natasha, but I want you to check it out. I need to know this. I've tried. Just check it, please. When will you be here? I'll let Raven know. Talk to you later. Bye."

I thought Clint looked a bit guilty when he saw me standing there, but it passed quickly. He patted the spot next to him and I joined him on the swing. It everything in me not to questions Clint about what I'd heard. I wanted to be nosey, but hated when people did that to me. We sat on the swing for a little while just enjoying the morning air. Gradually, we heard people stirring in the house and then someone hollered, "Raven? You and Clint up? Are we riding today or not?"

Clint and I started laughing. I yelled back, "Lazy bones, we're already up and have been for awhile. What's your excuse?"

Mark appeared at the front door. He had on a t-shirt I'd gotten for him years ago that said, "THIS IS MY HANGOVER SHIRT. SHH!"

"Never mind," I laughed. "How bad is it? Loaded cherries bad or too much crown bad?"

"Too much crown bad," he replied.

"I guess that means everyone will be ready in about 30 minutes," I said.

Matt groaned and replied, "Make it an hour."

"We'll be waiting …as usual," I teased.

Mark turned around and headed back inside. I got up to go inside and get dressed myself. Clint followed me and asked, "Loaded cherries bad?" I quickly explained how Paul used to soak cherries in rum and Everclear for the parties. They were notorious for being really really good and really really strong. Several of our friends claimed that a loaded cherry hangover lasted for days while a regular hangover only lasted a couple of hours. As I explained, I realized how much of a relief it was to talk about Paul naturally.

I turned to Clint and told him,"Thank you for allowing me to talk about Paul. It means the world to me."

He smiled and said, "Anyone who discouraged you from talking about Paul didn't deserve you."

"By the way," he continued. "I hope you meant it by saying Nat could come visit. She's planning to be at your place on Monday. We are getting back late Sunday right?"

"Of course, I meant it. I'm glad she's coming," I replied. I honestly did want Natasha to visit, but not so soon. Maybe after I lost 15 pounds, 10 years, and had totally remodeled the house. She totally intimidated me and I hadn't officially met her yet. I mentally started making lists of everything I needed to get done just as soon as I got home.

Clint must have seen the sheer terror in my eyes because he laughed and said, "Don't worry; she's a really nice girl. You'll like her."

I couldn't hold back my snort of disbelief. "I'm not worries if I'll like her. I'm worried that she'll like me. Nice is probably not the first thing people think of when they meet Natasha Romanov."

"Trust me," he implored.

"I already do," I said. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to worry. It's what I do."

Clint just sighed and shook his head. We got ready to ride and where waiting for the crew when they straggled out of their rooms. We spent the day riding the trails and visiting different scenic areas. We got back that evening and all got cleaned up to go hit the town. We'd heard there was a live band at a club downtown. It was a relaxing evening with good music and lots of laughter.

We next 2 days were repeats of that one. We rode different trails each day and saw a different band, but the feeling of relaxation and companionship was the same. We'd all grown apart a bit after Paul died, but all the distance fell away during those 2 days. The group saw how Clint treated me and opened their arms to him. We headed home on the 5th day. It was much quicker trip back. We took the straightest route and only stopped for gas and snacks. Once we reached town, we each peeled off in our individual direction and headed home.

When Clint and I got home, I checked the horses, cuddled the dogs, started laundry, and then crash landed on the bed. I had completely forgotten about Natasha's impending visit. I was reminded quite abruptly the next morning.


	12. Chapter 12 - The Trip - Clint (finished)

Well, the chapter finally got finished. I never thought it would. I've already gotten started on the next one and will be posting what I've gotten very soon. I'm planning to post everything as it comes instead of trying to finish a chapter and then post. I'm hoping that will be easier on everyone and decrease the wait. Thank you for all of your patience.

Chapter 12

When I finally let Raven out of bed, she immediately sent a text to her friends to let them know the change in plans. It wasn't five minutes later that her phone started ringing. During each call, she explained the situation in very brief terms and confirmed that everything was good with the others. After she hung up, Raven gave me a quick rundown on each couple and an idea of their personality, but she refused to go in to details with anyone including me. It was a side of Raven I hadn't seen before. She was insistent that I meet everyone and form an opinion untainted by her thoughts.

The thing she did go in to detail totally threw me for a loop. She carefully explained that all her friends were swingers and that at one time she and her husband had been active in that lifestyle also. Raven explained that a few years before she and her husband had decided not to "play" anymore, but had remained close to all their friends. Raven warned me that I would probably see plenty of naked bodies and some sexual activity in the common rooms of the cabin. She told me that no one would pressure me to participate and that it was accepted that she did not. Raven did clarify that she would be getting plenty of hugging and kissing from both female and male members of the group and that I had better not freak out about it. I was really wondering what I had gotten myself in to and who it was that I had fallen for. I already knew I had a jealous streak. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle sharing Raven with other people.

On the day we were scheduled to leave, we headed to Mark and Ginger's. Raven had warned me that Ginger was notoriously late, but that she always made sure to be there a little early so that she could "stick a boot up Ginger's ass" and get things moving along. She said that otherwise it would be the next day before everyone was ready. When we got to the house, Raven introduced me to Mark and Ginger. Mark was a tall sturdy built man with a firm handshake and steady look in his eyes. I could tell that he kept his thoughts close and took his time with things. Ginger, his wife, was a bundle of nerves. A petite redhead with lots of curves, she formed and expressed an opinion in a matter of seconds. Ginger gave me a thoroughly assessing look before hugging and kissing Raven then leading her off to help her pack. Mark shook my hand and then asked me about my bike. I knew that he was testing me to see if I was a true rider or a wanna be. Mark introduced me to Matt. Matt was even taller than Mark, but thin and lanky. He had laughing blue eyes and perpetual smile. I was impressed that he also had a firm handshake though it startled me to realize that he was missing his thumb. He pointed out a couple of things on my bike that I might want to get fixed soon and we quickly started discussing maintenance and upgrades.

We'd been talking for awhile when I noticed Raven walking towards us. I thought that she'd probably gotten Ginger packed up and was going to let us now that they were ready. I was completely stunned when she stopped in front of Mark and Matt and put her hands on her hips and said, "Oh, Mark, I think you forgot something this morning."

Mark looked at Raven and asked, "What?"

"I have not gotten my hug and kiss! Don't you love me anymore? You too, Matt!" She scolded teasingly.

Mark laughed and wrapping Raven in his arms picked her off the ground in a big hug followed by a very through kiss. When he let go, Matt was there to give a gentler but just as through kiss with a silly dip at the end. Raven was giggling when they put her down. But I could see the caution and fear in her eyes when she turned towards me, I'll admit that for a split moment I wondered about the relationship and had a moment of intense jealousy. However I saw how much love the group had for each other and new that they would never do anything to hurt each other. I also saw the speculation and the guys I knew they had probably been a bit over the top just to see what I was going to it. It took a bit of quick thinking that I knew what I needed to do. When Raven turned towards me I gave her a wicked grin and went to the guys that I swept her up and are in my arms and kissed her with all the emotions that I had inside. The response I got was quite satisfying. I could feel Raven soften and leaned into my. When I set her back on her feet she swayed into my and had to grab your fingers in my shirt for support.

I could hear applause and whistles from the guys and with a blush and giggle Raven leaned her head on my chest. "Wow, hun! Not sure where that came from, but Wow! Can we do it again sometime?"

I felt a wave of relief. I laughed and said, "I didn't want you to think I didn't love you anymore because you hadn't gotten a kiss and hug from me."

I looked up and I could see the approval in the faces of the guys and a large dose of envy in the faces of the women. Raven's smile was immense. I looked like I had impressed everyone. Things were starting to look up. Raven began to walk away towards the girls, but grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards me. She looked up at me and asked, "What? I'm going to help Ginger pack."

"Stay here with me for a minute," I said softly. I wasn't quite ready to let her go. It had shaken me a bit watching how she'd responded to the kisses of her male friends and while I had handled it well, I needed Raven near me now. Raven looked confused and searched my face with her eyes. I could tell she was trying to figure out what was going on. "I'll explain later when we're alone," I told her.

Raven squeezed my hand a started to walk away. I was stunned her abandonment until I saw her settling down on the seat of the bike next to me. She sat and listened as me and the guys continued our conversation.

Ginger finally finished her packing. I was amazed at how accurate Raven was on how long it took her to finish. It was obvious that everyone was used to Ginger's lack of organization. From what I could tell, Ginger was the ruling Queen of the group with a tiny body and huge over bearing personality. The group catered to her eccentricities and listened to her edicts, but they did so out of love. There wasn't an ounce of malice in Ginger and they all knew it.

Just as Ginger finished her packing, the third couple of the group showed up. Joe and Sandra looked like they could have stepped out of a biker magazine, but were genuine in their welcome to me.

Once it was determined that everyone was ready to go, there was a short debate over what to do about the last couple we were waiting on. Apparently no one had heard from Liz and Richard for a couple of weeks and so no one knew for certain if they were planning to show up. This was obviously nothing new as nobody was very concerned. It turned out that they had decided to take a different trip and failed to notify anyone. There was quite a bit of good natured grumbling, but everyone was quickly ready to head out.

It just seemed natural to follow in second spot behind Mark with the other guys following behind. We ended up in a zigzag formation. The group was easy to ride with. Everyone was very respectful and there was a smoothness that demonstrated how much they rode together.

We finally arrived at our destination that evening about 10pm. What should have been a 5 hour ride had ended up being almost 12 hours. Raven had warned me that the group tended to take it easy on the way to where ever they were going. They stopped to shop, eat, and sight see, but they also planned to take the longest most scenic route and expected to get lost at least once by Mark. That was exactly what happened. We'd stopped for gas 3 times, had 2 nice meals, and an even half dozen stops for shopping. Mark had even gotten us lost once though he called it a simple scenic detour.

The rally was being help in a small town in west Texas and the group was staying at a lifestyle friendly resort. They had reserved a large cabin with 4 bedrooms and a central living area. Raven and I ended up in the master bedroom with a private bath which she immediately headed for. I'd been doing a lot of thinking on the road and needed to talk so stopped her before she managed to get in the shower.

"Raven, we need to talk." I said.

She was walking in to the bathroom in her bra and panties and I could see her entire body tense up. She turned to me with a bright but false smile and replied, "What's up?" I could tell she was trying not to panic, but was worried about what I was going to say.

I sat down on the end of the bed and motioned for Raven to join me, "Come here and sit down. I have a couple questions."

Raven's eyes were wide and worried and she cautiously walked towards me. I could tell that she was barely staying under control "Don't be worried." I said trying to be reassuring. "I told you we'd work things out. Trust me."

Raven took a deep breath and said, "I know, but I worry. It's what I do. What did you want to ask me?"

"Well," I started carefully. I knew that I had to handle things just right or I would put Raven on the defensive and start a fight I didn't want. "First, is that how the guys always tell you hello? Because I'll admit it that it bothered me a lot. I just found you and I'm not sure I want to share. Second, why don't you ever say your husband Paul's name? Lastly, do you know how awesome you are and how truly amazing your friends are?"

She laughed a little at the last question, but I could tell that the first two had thrown her. "Yes, the guys always give me great kisses when we say hello. My husband didn't really like kissing, but I adore it. They made sure I got my fair share so that I was content. I don't know if I can or want to change that. I hope you can accept it. That is as far as things go. There was a time when we were more intimate, but that was 5 or 6 years ago. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to share with anyone else anymore and that's the way it's been since. They tried to take care of me after my husband died, but I kind of went off on my own for a bit. "

"Your husband? Paul?" I prompted. It bothered me that I hadn't even known ravens husband's name until Mark had mentioned it. I hadn't realized before that she never said his name."Raven, talk to me. Can't you say his name?"

"Yes, I can say his name. My hus…. Paul had a somewhat dangerous job and didn't want everyone to know that I was his wife. He worried it would put me in danger. I started just referring to him as "my husband" to patients and it just became habit. After Paul died, anyone I dated didn't appreciate me referring to Paul by name. It was intimidating I was told. I guess it was also easier on me," she explained.

"What did Paul do? How'd he die?" I asked. I wondered what kind of job he could have done that would've put his family in such danger.

"Paul was a corrections officer. He was helping out at a facility in the dessert when it collapsed. It was just before the Loki incident in New York," Raven (math matter-of-fact as she explained.

I could feel the blood drained from my face and it felt like somebody had kicked me in the stomach. I knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. required many of their employees to keep their jobs secret, and I didn't remember hearing of any other facility collapses during the period of time Raven was talking about. Could I have possibly been partially responsible for Paul's death? The mere thought nauseated me.

Raven must've seen something in my face because she put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Clint, are you alright? What's wrong?"

I quickly shook my head and said, "Nothing. Don't worry about it. You still haven't answered my third question. Do you know how awesome you are and how truly amazing your friends are?" I wanted distract Raven from my odd behavior until I had investigated further. If what I suspected was true I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I needed to know for certain.

"I'm glad you think I'm awesome," Raven said modestly. "Yes, I know how amazing my friends are, but why do you think they are?"

I couldn't help rolling my eyes at Raven's humility. She really needed to work on her self-esteem sometimes. "You are too humble, Raven, but we'll work on that later." I said. "As for your friends, I've never met a more open friendly group. They are all so nonjudgmental, but they do protect you. I was quite thoroughly, but subtly warned by each of the guys and not very subtly by Ginger that if I hurt you there wouldn't be enough of me left over for identification. I really like them. I think they could be friends. I don't have many of those."

Raven smiled and leaned in close, "Guess what? " She whispered." You do now."

I was startled by Raven's quick reply and at the sincerity that was obvious. I couldn't help grinning as I realized all that I'd just received. "Go get your shower," he said. "I'll be right behind you."

I sat on the bed for a few moments thinking about the conversation we'd just had. I needed to really decide if I could handle the intimacy between Raven and her friends. It felt that we had crossed a bridge in our relationship with Raven finally talking about her husband a little bit, but the information that I had received was somewhat devastating. I also realized that I didn't want to lose Raven or the budding friendships of the people she cared about. I heard the shower water go on in the vision of Raven under the running water motivated me to join her. I would figure out what I was going to do and how I really felt after I made sure Raven got a very thorough wash.

Everyone finally rolled out of bed around 11 am the next day. The girls had already planned to spend the day shopping while the guys escorted them. What actually happened was, the guys went from bar to bar as the girls shopped. Around 5 o'clock the girls finally decided they were done shopping and wanted some dinner. After dinner, we all headed back up to our cabin. The other three couples were planning on going to a party at the resort. The guys warned me earlier in the day that the party was going to be clothing optional and that there would be beds and mattresses available. I had made some decisions about Raven's friends and the situation so was open to going to the party if Raven wanted to. We would just have to set some ground rules. I was surprised when I asked Raven if she wanted to go and she replied that she really just wanted to stay in and relax. We ended up cuddled in bed watching TV and talking.

Raven was cuddled up to my side and I could tell she was almost asleep when I finally knew what I wanted to say. "Raven," I said. "I've been thinking about what we talked about last night and I've made some decisions."

She mumbled, "What did you decide?"

"I want you to refer to your husband as Paul when you talk about him to me. Everytime. I can accept you and your friend's affection, but I want a kiss from you for every one of theirs," I said. It was important to me that Raven be able to speak about Paul with me. I had decided to be 100% involved in this relationship and knowing about Paul and Raven's time with him was part of that. As for the relationship Raven had with her friends, how can I begrudge her affection that she was used to without being completely selfish. If she said that kissing was all that happened, I needed to trust her otherwise we could never have a real relationship. This is a big step for me and a hard one, but I had a feeling it was going to be worth it.

"Thank you, I won't betray your trust," she said softly as she reached up to kiss me. Those words were the best thing she could have said. I didn't want false assurances or explanations. What she'd said told me that she understood what I was saying and what I needed. I gave her a gentle squeeze and held her as she drifted off to sleep.

What I hadn't told Raven was that I had decided to give Nat a call. I needed to know if Paul had worked for SHIELD. If he had died in the collapse at the SHIELD facility, Raven deserved to know the truth and my part in it. I hoped that she could forgive me.

The next morning I got up fairly early to call Nat. I didn't want to hide my call from Raven, but on the other hand I couldn't really ask Nat to research Paul in front of her. Nat answered on the second ring, "Why are you calling me at this early in the morning? You know I'm a night owl."

"Gee, Nat. Is that any way to answer the phone? What if it hadn't been me?" I teased.

"Clint, I do have caller id. What's up? Raven decide to kick you out already? Did you tell her about my offer?"

"Everything is fine with Raven. Actually, it's better than fine, but I need you to do some research for me. I need you to find out if Paul Cole ever worked for SHIELD."

"Clint, What's going on?' She asked. "Why are you asking?"

"Raven told me a couple of days ago that her husband died in a collapse at a prison facility he was working at shortly before the New York incident. How many facility collapses have you heard about in the last several years? It's a really odd coincidence that there would be two that close together in time. What if he was there and was killed when Loki escaped? I need to know. Raven deserves to know the truth about me and Paul's death. My part in it."

"Clint, you were not responsible for the collapse. You were not responsible for those lives. Quit blaming yourself. You don't need this burden. You don't need to know this information," she replied adamantly.

I saw Raven coming out on to the porch where I'd sat down on the swing to talk. I needed to finish this conversation before I said something wrong. "I know Natasha, but I want you to check it out. I need to know this. I've tried. Just check it, please. When will you be here? I'll let Raven know. Talk to you later. Bye." I hurried to hang up and smile at Raven and pat the seat beside me.

Raven looked a bit curious and I could see that she wanted to question me. I was trying to form a truthful but evasive response when she simply sat down and rested her head on my shoulder. We sat on the swing for a little while just enjoying the morning air. Gradually, we heard people stirring in the house and then someone hollered, "Raven? You and Clint up? Are we riding today or not?"

Raven and I started laughing. She yelled back, "Lazy bones, we're already up and have been for awhile. What's your excuse?"

Mark appeared at the front door. He had on a t-shirt that said, "THIS IS MY HANGOVER SHIRT. SHH!"

"Never mind," Raven laughed. "How bad is it? Loaded cherries bad or too much crown bad?"

"Too much crown bad," he replied.

"I guess that means everyone will be ready in about 30 minutes," She said.

Matt groaned and replied, "Make it an hour."

"We'll be waiting …as usual," Raven teased.

Mark turned around and headed back inside.

Raven got up from the porch swing and headed inside to finish getting dresses. I followed asking, "Loaded cherries bad?"

Raven let out a soft chuckle. She explained how Paul used to soak cherries with Rum and Everclear to bring to parties. They were notorious for being really really good and really really strong. She told me how several of their friends claimed that a loaded cherry hangover lasts for days while a regular hangover could be cured with some aspirin and a Bloody Mary.

Raven finished her explanation and with a soft smile turned to me. "Thank you," she said, "for allowing me to talk about Paul. It means the world to me." I could see a sense of wonder and relief in her eyes.

It struck me how sad it was that Raven had felt that she had to keep such an important part of her life secret. I was glad that I could do this small thing for her. I smiled at her and replied, " Anyone who discouraged you from talking about Paul didn't deserve you."

"BTW," I continued. "I hope you meant it by saying that Nat could come visit. She's planning to be at your place on Monday. We are getting back late Sunday, right?"

"Of course, I meant it. I'm glad she's coming," she replied.

I could see that Raven's mind was racing. The emotions were clear enough that I could almost guess what she was thinking. It amazed me how insecure this wonderful woman could be. She was alot like Natasha. I could see them as close friends and realized how much trouble I would be in with these two strong women in my life. Of course, it was a kind of trouble I could enjoy thoroughly. That is if they didn't kill each other first. The thought brought an involuntary laugh as I said,"Don't worry; she's a really nice girl. You'll like her."

Part of that was true, I thought. Raven shouldn't worry and once she got to know Nat, she'd like her. The nice part, well, that wasn't exactly true. Nat is complicated. Her training makes her a master of manipulation and her history trained her to be suspicous of everyone. She'd gotten better during our time with SHIELD and learned to trust a bit, but being around Fury tended to remind her of her past. He was the ultimate spy and made Nat's ability to manipulate people look amateurish. I trusted her with my life and I know she trusted me with hers, but it would take time for her to accept Raven. I just hoped that the damage between now and then wouldn't be too bad.

Raven gave a snort of disbelief. "I'm not worried if I'll like her. I'm worried that she'll like me. Nice is probably not the first thing people think of when they meet Natasha Romanov."

"Trust me," I implored.

"I already do," she said. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to worry. It's what I do."

I just shook my head and sighed. Raven was probably right to worry a bit. That was part of th reason I was glad that Nat was coming to visit when she was. It didn't allow Raven to worry too much. I'd just have to keep her distracted until Nat arrived. I could think of a few very pleasant ways to do just that.

We got ready to ride and where waiting for the crew when they straggled out of their rooms. We spent the day riding the trails and visiting different scenic areas. We got back that evening and all got cleaned up to go hit the town. We'd heard there was a live band at a club downtown. It was a relaxing evening with good music and lots of laughter.

The next 2 days were spent riding different trails and listening to different bands. I noticed how the group grew closer with each day. It was like there had been a barrier between them that had been lifted. I noticed that each day everyone spoke more and more easily about Paul and celebrated his life. It seemed as if grief had pushed the group apart. Raven's reluctance to mention his name had been noted and attributed to sadness. Now that she was willing to talk all the distance fell away.

The thing that amazed me was how the group opened their arms to me. They accepted me because Raven accepted me. I was a part of something I'd never expected. I was among people who were friends simply because they enjoyed each other's company and not because of combat, training, or alterior motive. It was a new and wonderful experience.

We headed home on the 5th day. It was much quicker trip back. We took the straightest route and only stopped for gas and snacks. Once we reached town, we each peeled off in our individual directions and headed home.

It felt right to be going to Raven's place. I realized that I'd never really considered all the places I'd lived before as home. Raven's place filled me with a contentment I never thought I was capable of.

When we got home, the dogs greeted us with joyous barks, wagging tails, and wiggly bodies. I unloaded the essentials off the bike and trailer while Raven checked the horses and started in on the mountain of laundry. We took the dogs upstairs and spent awhile cuddling with them before falling asleep. I knew that Raven had forgotten about Natasha's visit, but didn't want to remind her. I knew if I did she would fuss and clean all night and make herself a nervous wreck. I'd learned that while Raven appeared to have everything together and to be completely calm, much of it was an act that she had work very hard to maintain. She was actually quite fragile and insecure. I wanted her well rested and ready to deal with Natasha. In retrospect, I could probably have handled things a bit better.


	13. Chapter 13 - The Friendship- Clint

Chapter 13

The next morning, I was up early. Raven was sleeping soundly so I quietly straightened the house and kept laundry going. It felt good to do the little things. I finished unpacking the bike and putting things back where I remembered Raven had gotten them. Once I got my self-assigned chores out of the way, I went back upstairs to check on Raven. She was still sleeping so I lay down beside her and simply pulled her against me. She cuddled in close and with a sigh relaxed into me. We laid there for several hours until I heard a familiar rubble along the driveway and the dogs went tearing down the stairs and out the dog door.

I got up and followed them down to greet Natasha. She had ridden my bike from New York so that I had it available when I wanted. I tried to explain that I didn't plan to need it. I had a bike that Raven and I could share and I was really enjoying having her with me.

Natasha roared up and turned off the engine. She refused to wear a helmet so her auburn curls were tousled and wild. She smiled as she swung off the bike and said, "So, where's this perfect woman?"

Natasha sounded faintly sarcastic and aggressive. I knew that was her way of dealing with uncertainty. She didn't often get along with women. Most were intimidated by her and those that weren't were usually trying to kill her. Pepper was the only woman that Nat felt she could call a friend and theirs was an uneasy relationship since Tony had hard feelings about Nat and her role in his association with SHIELD. I was hoping that Nat wouldn't push Raven away before she had a chance to get to know her, but it was always hard to tell what Natasha would do.

"She's probably still asleep. She's a real night owl also and doesn't get up before noon if she can avoid it. Plus it was a long ride yesterday and she was exhausted," I replied. "This gives us a chance to discuss what you learned this week."

Natasha gave me an odd look and said, "I don't think I want to talk about that right now. Let me get to know Raven a bit before we discuss it."

"Nat, what are you keeping from me? You know I hate secrets between us. We have to keep so many as it is. Just tell me, and let me deal with it."

"Clint, you may not need to know this information. Let me decide. Please?"

It wasn't like Nat to plead with me about anything, so I was completely thrown by her doing it now. Reluctantly I said, "Alright, but don't keep me in suspense for too long."

"Clint, darling," Nat drawled with the false sweetness, "I could never keep secrets from you for very long. Now tell me about your trip."

I rolled my eyes at her dramatics and proceeded to tell her about our adventures on the trip. It was interesting watching the play of emotions on her face as she heard about the situation between Raven and her friends. Normally Nat keeps her emotions well under control and hidden, you can't tell anything about what she's feeling unless she wants you to. With me, she's always been able to just be herself. I had just finished my description of the trip and was thinking about asking Nat to come in the house while I woke up Raven when Nat distracted me by grabbing the front of my shirt and pulling me close to her while she wrapped her arms around my neck. She asked, "Is this how Raven kissed her friends?" before drawing me in to an extremely passionate kiss. I was completely shocked. Our relationship hadn't had any sort of sexual component in a while and the kiss was completely unexpected. At first, I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't even think about pulling away, but I realized I didn't have the feelings for her that I used to. I still loved her, but I didn't desire her in that way.

I was preparing to pull away from Nat when I heard the screen door slam shut behind me. There was only one person that it could be. In that moment, I knew that Nat had kissed me for more reasons than just a desire for sex. She was testing Raven to see how she would act. I was more than a little curious myself so when I turned to greet Raven, I'm certain looked less than contrite. But, in my own defense, it was no more than what she expected me to accept from her friends.

Instantly, I felt guilty. Raven had a stunned look on her face. She quickly covered it with a bright smile but I knew that she was hurt. "Hi, you must be Natasha. I am so sorry. I completely forgot you were supposed to be here today. You look lovely," Raven said.

I was surprised at what sounded like genuine sweetness in Raven's voice. I was even more surprised at Natasha's response, "Thank you. I rode Clint's bike here so that he'd have it if he needed."

I had never heard Natasha sounded so sarcastic and belligerent to somebody who was not a threat. Raven took it like a pro and responded, "You must exhausted and need a shower. Let me show you where the shower is inside. While you get cleaned up, I get the water turned on in the trailer and the pilot light for the hot water heater lit. I'm sure you'd like your own space while you're visiting."

Natasha shrugged nonchalantly and said, "Sounds good." Raven and Nat headed to the house. I was a bit slow to follow since I was still trying to process everything that had just happened. Raven was very nonchalant about the house showing Nat where the shower was and then immediately heading out to the trailer. I followed behind not knowing exactly what to say to Raven or how to say it. I didn't feel the need to apologize but on the other hand I had never intended to hurt her. In the absence of anything else to do, I walked up behind Raven and wrapped my arms around her and asked, "Are you okay?"

I could feel the stiffness in her muscles that indicated that there was something wrong, but she said "I'm fine."

I asked again, "Are you sure?" I didn't want to push her, but it was important to me to know what she was feeling.

I knew I wasn't going to get a real response when she said, "Yes, I'm sure. You should probably go back in the house and make sure Nat knows where everything is. I'll be right behind you. I just need to light the pilot light under the water heater."

I headed back in the house to wait on Natasha to get out of the shower. I couldn't get the look on Raven's face off my mind. I was sitting at the kitchen bar when Natasha came out of the shower. I asked her," What were you thinking? Why did you decide to kiss me in front of Raven?"

Natasha sat down beside me and said,"I needed to see what she would do if she was in the same position she put you in. I'm glad that I did. Yes, I could tell she was hurt but she obviously doesn't have a double standard. If she had responded the wrong way, she and I would have had an issue. But, it was obvious to me that she wasn't going to expect you to be one way while she behaved differently. It takes a strong woman to do that."

"I think I might like her," Nat said.

I couldn't help the rueful laugh at that comment, "Glad you figured that out. Now how are you going to convince Raven that you aren't trying to get between the two of us?"


End file.
